Nothing's Broken
by rgs38
Summary: Spike has to deal with some different things including a booby trapped factory and some emotional pain. SPOILERS: One Wrong Move. Not exactly sure where it's going, but there is cursing, possibly some suicide themes. Read Inside for a better idea of plot.
1. Chapter 1

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 1

_I love Spike, it's a simple thing: he's a "geek with combat skills" and he's awesome. So I've had a few ideas floating around in my head about Spike and what I'll be writing for his story. I really wanted to do something after Lou died, I think Spike is one of the characters that is still able to be emotional and I love it. But then I also really wanted to write something that got Spike very out of character, not in the truck; something that makes him be the one that has to negotiate, do something more tactical, I was even considering something lethal, but I guess I'll see where it takes me. So this is your synopsis, doesn't really tell you what this is about huh? Sorry, guess you're just going to have to read and figure it out. I don't own anything that you recognize as being from the show. Tell me what you think, too out of character? _

"So you wanna do something tonight, Lou?" Spike and Lou exited the locker room and walked down the hallway to the gym where Wordy and Ed were already working out.

"Want to? Yeah," Lou answered as he let out a small laugh, "but let's see how the day goes first. If it's anything like the rest of the week I think I'm going to die of exhaustion by tonight." During the course of their conversation Lou and Spike had entered the gym and were going over to some light weights to warm up. Ed was spotting Wordy as he lifted what was probably three times the weight of Spike. He looked up when they approached.

"I'm with you Lou." Ed said shortly as Wordy slowly got through his final lifts. As he sat up and wiped sweat from his brow, he joined the conversation.

"You shouldn't be complaining Ed." Wordy got up and moved to a different machine. "At least you were a Sierra on Tuesday, you got to find a perch and lay there for a few hours while Lou and I got to clear four different high rise building...with locked down elevators!" Wordy jokingly punched Ed's shoulder.

"Yeah, well yesterday, during the bomb scare, I had to carry six people out only to later realize that the bomb was assembled incorrectly and wouldn't have done anything." Ed said bitterly. Spike smiled at their banter. He wasn't as strong as any of the other men, that was no real secret, and he didn't do as much in terms of physical work. Spike could hold his own in workouts and the different training exercises, his stamina was at least equal to the rest of the team when it came to running, and he was a solid part of entry teams if they ever needed him but Spike knew that to the team, his role was in the truck. He loved his job, he loved computers and hacking and he was by far the best on the team for the information gathering aspects of the job, but he couldn't help but feel that the others did not see him as an equal because he didn't have the opportunity to do what they did every day.

"Hey Lou, can you spot me?" Spike asked as he walked over to the bench press Wordy had just finished on. Spike added weights to the end of the bar as Lou finished up what he was doing. Lou approached and counted the weights that Spike had added.

"Spike," he said quietly, not wanting to elicit the attention of the other men, "are you sure you can lift this? No one here doubts your strength man, don't hurt yourself trying to prove something." Lou said cautiously. Spike knew that he should have listened to Lou, but didn't particularly care at this point. Spike didn't respond to Lou's question, just laid down on the bench and took a few deep breaths. Lou glanced nervously over at Ed and Wordy. He didn't want Spike to be embarrassed, but they also couldn't afford him hurt. "Spike," Lou tried once more but Spike's hands were already wrapped around the bar and Lou had no choice but to help him free the weights.

_Shit! Shit! Shit! _Spike yelled at himself as he held the bar for a moment, _Lou was right, way too much weight_. His arms trembled and he felt himself losing control. He let out a loud grunt and saw the weights overcoming the muscles of his arms and hurling towards his body. Lou reacted quickly, getting his hands and wrists under the weights just before they crushed Spike's chest. At this point Wordy and Ed had realized what was happening and had run over, together lifting the weights from where they had pinned the two men. Greg, hearing the sounds form the gym, ran from the briefing room and took stock of the situation.

Wordy was gently leading Lou over to another bench press, instructing him to sit on the end. Greg could see that Lou was gritting his teeth in pain and a single tear had run from his eyes, it looked as though he was holding his breath. Wordy said something gently to him and ran off to get a first aid kit. Ed was kneeling at the side of Spike's press trying to get him to sit up. Spike was doubled over, clutching his chest. Greg approached them.

"Spike, let me see." Ed was trying to be gentle but was not doing a very good job at hiding the frustration in his voice. Greg placed a hand on Ed's shoulder, signaling him to move over. Greg got down and tried to find Spike's eyes.

"Spike, hey buddy," Greg said in a fatherly tone "come on Spike, let me take a look okay? Just breath." Spike looked up and him and slowly sat up, wincing in pain. "That's it, good Spike." Greg said as he helped Ed remove his shirt. There was already a dark bruise forming across his ribs. Greg and Ed looked at each other, knowing that they were going to be making a hospital run today. "Okay Spike, stay here a minute with Ed. We're going to take you to the hospital to see that none of your ribs are broken. I just want to check on Louis." Greg gave Ed a nod and Ed moved into a sitting position on the press, next to Spike, trying to comfort him. Sam and Jules ran over to Greg as he rose and moved to the next patient.

"Sarge, what happened?" Sam asked confused. It wasn't often that specially trained SRU forces would have accidents in the gym.

"I'm not totally sure Sam. We're going to be taking Spike to the hospital, maybe Lou also. Tell Winnie to call in Team Five. I want you two to stay back here with Wordy and cover until everyone gets in and then we'll figure it out. Sam and Jules nodded and went off to the front of the office.

"How we doing Lou?" Greg asked as he approached the second bench press. It was obvious that Lou was in pain. Lou took a shaky breath and slapped a half smile on his face.

"Not too bad Sarge." He looked away quickly again, gritting his teeth. Wordy shot Greg a look and shook his head subtly. Greg quickly looked at Lou's hand and saw that he didn't want to move it in pain.

"Okay guys, we're going to the hospital. Come on." Greg said loud enough that both men heard him. There were no real protests as Wordy helped Lou up and Ed helped Spike. "Wordy, Sam and Jules are having Winnie call in Team Five, you stay here with them. You're in charge, I'll keep you updated." Wordy nodded and squeezed Lou's shoulder before walking off. "Ed, help me to the truck with them, I think you should come just in case." Ed nodded and slowly helped Spike to the elevator.

_This one is going to be long, so it might take a while for some substance to come out of it. This is the intro to the intro. Tell me what you're thinking please, I respond to all of my reviews and I'd love to hear from you. _


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 2

_And onward we go. As I'm sure you've figured out,(something I probably should have made clearer last chapter) Lou is alive in this part, so no, Spike's no hallucinating or something...though that is an interesting idea...hum...It'll pick up at some point soon. I might skip a few days, but I'll mark it in the story. Thanks for reading (and reviewing(?)) I own nothing you recognize as being a part of Flashpoint. _

"Okay Eddie, talk to me." Greg said as they sat in the waiting room. They had signed Spike and Lou in and about ten minutes later a nurse came and took them both back. Ed had a slight scowl on his face as he looked at Greg.

"It was Spike trying to be superman, he was trying to lift at twice what he can do." Ed was bitter. "He was just being stupid. He's not like me and Wordy and Lou and he shouldn't try to be. Now he's hurt, Lou's hurt and we're short handed." Greg took in what Ed was saying and slowly nodded in understanding.

"I hear you Eddie. Spike was wrong, things could have been a lot worse for him if Lou hadn't reacted as quickly as he did, but just try to imagine how Spike feels. You guys pull off all of these great saves and he sits in the truck. I know what he's feeling, happens to me sometimes too. There are SRU guys like you and Wordy and Lou, and then there are the SRU guys like me and Spike..." He trailed off as he saw Lou approaching again with a splint on his wrist. He took a seat next to Ed and spoke softly.

"Not too bad, just a bad fracture. I'll be good to go in a week." Greg looked at him, he assumed that the doctor said something more like two or three weeks, but he didn't question. "Any news on Spike?" Lou asked with slight worry.

"Not yet," Ed said as he shifted in the uncomfortable hospital chair. "but I don't think there were any broken ribs, so he'll probably be fine." He tried to reassure. The look of guilt on Lou's face was not well masked and Greg quickly picked up on it.

"Louis, this is not you're fault. You probably stopped the worst of the damage with your quick reaction." Greg tried to reassure him but Lou just shook his head.

"I was his spotter...and I'm his friend, I shouldn't have let him try to lift so much, I knew he couldn't do it." Lou sounded almost resentful of himself.

"Louis, you can't blame yourself. I know you're frustrated, but Spike's the one that added all the extra weight." Greg was trying to reassure Lou, and though he stopped trying to tell Greg that it was his fault, it was obvious that the burden was still not lifted. A few minutes of silence fell upon the group and just as Greg was about to ask the women at the desk for an update, Spike came walking (albeit slowly) into the waiting room.

"Hey," Spike said, eyes downcast. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have tried to lift so much. Lou, are you okay?" He looked up slightly to meet Lou's eyes, careful to avoid Ed and Greg's gazes.

"I'm good man, I'll only be out a week, small fracture. You?" Lou looked at him worriedly.

"About the same, the x-rays were inconclusive and I was in too much pain to get an accurate assessment, but they don't think that there are any broken ribs. A bunch of bruised ribs, maybe one small fracture, but about a week and I'll be fine." Spike's eyes were down again, shamed. After a moment of silence, Greg spoke.

"Alright, I'm going to take you guys home." Both of them began to protest.

"But Sarge, I can do things at headquarters, paperwork or...something" Lou tried.

"And I can give Babycakes a tune up or test runs or..." Greg interrupted them.

"Not today guys. Both of you are going to go home and rest. Lou, your wrist is immobilized, so, even though I'd love for you to catch up on paperwork, you can't. And Spike, you can't bend down, stand up, or sit down. You're going to go home and lay down and if you go without a fight I might not tell your mother when I drop you off." Spike's eyes grew wide.

"Please don't Sarge, she'll kill me." Ed and Lou laughed.

"I'll think about it. Now come on." They piled into the car and Greg began dropping the men off. First he went back to headquarters to let Ed tell the rest of the team the prognosis. Then he dropped Lou off at his apartment with instructions to call him later that night and to actually take it easy. He had strategically planned it so he would be alone with Spike for the rest of the drive.

Spike sat in the passenger's seat looking out the window, not saying much since they'd left the hospital. It was slightly unnerving for Spike to be so quiet. Even if he didn't want to talk about the serious matters at hand, he would usually at least crack a joke.

"You want to tell me what happened today Spike?" Greg asked as he glanced over. Spike tensed slightly at the question but said nothing. "Come on Spike, this isn't you, you've never been one of those guys who needs to show off how much he can bench press. What's up?" Greg asked, growing a little concerned.

"I just don't want to feel like I'm inadequate on the team. I mean, everyone is supposed to be able to do the same things as everyone else but look at me. I can't shoot, I'm not strong, and I can't negotiate." Spike spurted out angrily. Greg pulled into the driveway of his parent's house and Spike went to open the door.

"No." Greg said as he reached across and, careful to avoid his ribs, knocked down his arm. "Look at me Spike." Greg said with gentle authority. Spike reluctantly looked at Greg, his eyes intense and passionate as he began to speak. "Spike, you are a valuable asset to this team. You can do just the same, if not more than other people. You and the other guys are different, but that's why we're such a good team. We've got brute strength handled already, between Wordy, Ed, and Lou we have more than enough of that. We've got shooters, we've got negotiators, what we don't have an abundance of is you. You're bomb expert, tech expert, you're a hacker, you do things that other people can't and then you go and do other people's jobs too. You're one of a kind Spike, and let me tell you, you're the new generation of Special teams and SRU forces. You hear me?" Greg asked with a fatherly tone. Spike nodded.

"I hear you."

"Good, Greg unlocked the doors and got out of the truck. "Anyone home Spike?" He asked as he saw the doors closed.

"Don't think so, it's my mom's book club day." He slowly walked to the door but dropped his keys as he tried to get it into the lock. He tried to bend down to get them but stumbled over in pain. Greg rushed over and steadied him.

"Let me get you set up in bed." Greg said with a tone that left no room for argument. He let Spike in and set him up with books, some water bottles, and a quickly thrown together sandwich. "Now Spike. You take it easy. I'll call you later." Spike thanked him and grabbed a book off the nightstand. Greg left the home, locking the door behind him. _Like they'll actually take it easy._ He thought to himself as he started his car.

_I know, slow start, but hopefully it'll lead to something good eventually. I'm thinking the next chapter will bring some action, might be the one after the next one, we'll see. Please tell me what you think. _


	3. Chapter 3

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 3

_You know the drill by now. I don't own anything from Flashpoint, or Flashpoint itself, though it would be a nice little gift if anyone wants an idea for my birthday...no...well then the least you can do is give me your review. Thanks guys!_

**One Week Later**

Spike and Lou left the locker room and started their walk to the gym. The silence was a bit awkward. Spike didn't blame Lou for what had happened and Lou didn't blame Spike, which left them both blaming themselves. They were both mostly healed. Lou's wrist was fine within a few days and he was back to normal by the end of the week. Spike didn't recover as quickly, but his injuries were a bit more widespread. He was only a little bruised at this point and he wouldn't be lifting anything that would put much strain on his chest.

"So..." Spike said trying to start some of their usual, lighthearted conversation. "You wanna do something tonight, Lou?" They smiled as they remembered the conversation from the week prior.

"Let's see how the day goes buddy." Lou said with a smile. They entered the gym to a sea of 'welcome backs' and 'how are you feelings' and they went about their usual routine. Spike took things slow to begin, not wanting to push himself. He was under the watchful eye of Ed assuring that he didn't do anything too stressing. Spike was glad to see that Ed wasn't yelling at him, but the supervision made him feel like a child; like a child who no one had the heart to tell he had made a mistake. Though negotiating wasn't his strongest suit, reading body language was something that he was particularly adept with. It was not just a feeling, everyone was tiptoeing around him. He was growing frustrated, working out his feelings on the stationary bike, when the call came over the PA system.

"Team One: Hot call." Everyone jumped from their machines and jogged to the locker room, listening to Winnie over the intercom. "Anonymous tip about possible kidnapping. Caller said he say a man dragging a girl into abandoned factor. Account unconfirmed, proceed with caution." Everyone piled into trucks as Greg tried to get more information.

"We don't have anything Winnie? No recent abductions, no name on the caller, no make on the car? We basically have the address of an abandoned factor?" Greg asked skeptically.

"That's pretty much it Sarge, I'm trying to pull more from the audio but it's not very promising. Something interesting though, when I tried to trace the cell, it was bouncing between almost fifteen cell towers instead of the normal three."

"Okay, that's something. Be on the look out guys, this is looking more and more like some kind of set up or trap. Our guy might be good with electronics so just be careful of booby traps." Greg finished, unsure of what to make of this call. Six voices responded to him with 'copy' and Ed took over.

"We're about four minutes away. When we get there, assuming our guy doesn't want to talk,"

"And I don't think he wants to talk," Greg added in between Ed's breaths.

"I want a four man team in diamond formation to do a preliminary sweep. Wordy, Lou, Jules and I will go in first and sweep the first level for any bombs or traps. If we find anything Spike can come in and see what kind of a person we're looking at. Sam, I want you to find a perch somewhere high and somewhere that you'll be able to get an angle on the white and black walls of the structure." Ed finished as they pulled up next to a fenced area around the condemned building.

Graffiti covered the walls and doors looked like they were barley hanging onto the frames. The building was in the center of an abandoned district of the city where, primarily factories, had taken a hard economic hit and were going out of business rapidly. It was like a ghost town when the SRU arrived, only a few other cruisers had beaten them to the scene but were unable to get access to the building, which was surrounded by a high chain link fence. Greg went over to the most senior officer and told him to carefully secure a perimeter and set up units all around the fence.

"Wordy," Ed said as they stood around the trucks trying to think of the best way in. "go check out the padlock and let's just cut through it if it's clear." Ed said almost nonchalantly. Wordy nodded and went over to the fence, about to grab the lock when he slowed down and called the rest over.

"You guys hear that?" He asked. Everyone looked at him quizzically.

"What do you mean?" Jules asked, unsure of what to be listening for.

"The buzzing...is it possible that the fence is electrified?" Everyone moved closer to the fence, careful not to touch it. Spike perked his ears and tried to focus on the fence.

"Yeah, I hear it." He said as he stood and looked at the surrounding sections of the fence. It would be tough to get this entire thing to maintain a charge. We can try somewhere in the back, it might be weaker there. I mean, he'd have had to done it segment by segment. It's possible, sure, but not the most fun or interesting use of someone's time; or I can just get rid of the charge here, it'll take three minutes." Spike said as the rest of the team rose, waiting on Ed's word.

"Let's keep this intact if we can, let's keep the subject on his toes." Ed said as the rest nodded. "Let's split it and check the other sections of the fence. Lou and Jules start going East, Wordy and I will take West, radio if you find an uncharged section." Spike looked at Ed. "Spike, see if you can help Sam find a perch from the truck. Give him the specks of some of these building." Ed said looking around at the area.

"Copy." Spike said somewhat disappointed. _Come on, I'm doing my job here, I'll have time to be bitter later._ Spike thought as he ran to the van. "Okay Sam, where are you?" Spike asked as he sat down in the all familiar computer chair and cracked his knuckles.

"Um...third floor of the factor to the Southwest of your position." Sam replied with ragged breathing from running up the stairs.

"There are four factories to the Southwest Samtastic, give me a clue here." Spike said as he typed information into his computer.

"Yeah, ah, there's lots of machinery..." Sam said, trying to get his bearings.

"Yep that's kind of what makes it a factory. Give me a minute and I'll ping your location. Just keep going up right now." Spike said as he located Sam's GPS marker. "Okay, I've got you, you've got two more floors to go and then you're going to want to go to the Northeast corner of the rooftop. That should give you some fair position for any of the upper level windows on the South or West side of the building." Spike easily explained.

"Got it." Sam replied. Wordy's came over the radio.

"Spike was right, we've got an uncharged section here. We'll start cutting through, it's north by northwest of Spike's position in the van. What's your ETA Jules?" Wordy asked as Spike heard Ed begin cutting through the metal of the fence.

"We'll be there in about three minutes." She said as she and Lou ran in the direction Wordy had described.

"Copy," A few voices chimed in unison. Greg was the next to come over the radio. He had been gathering information from other inspectors on scene and was on his way back to the truck.

"Spike," He asked with an heir of haste in his tone.

"Yeah Boss?" He sat up straighter at the computer and got ready to type.

"You think there's a possibility of there being a bomb in there?" He asked with a serious tone. Spike began typing things into the computer.

"Well a bomb being brought in is completely possible and in that case my guess is as good as yours, but I'm guessing that you're speaking more to the possibility of a bomb having been improvised within the building itself and in that case the answer would be a very possibly." Spike took a breath, he had a tendency to speak in run-on sentences when he was explaining things. "The factor used to make metal parts for computers and other electronics so there's probably some advanced circuitry already in there, saving our guy a lot of time and effort. Plus, we've already seen that this guy is pretty paranoid about security," Greg opened the door to the truck and stepped in "I'd expect some kind of surprise once you're inside." Spike finished.

"You hear that Eddie?" Greg asked with a cautionary tone.

"I heard, well we're getting to the door so we'll go careful. That was the one section of fence that wasn't charged, you think that was a mistake?" Ed asked, not sounding exceptionally convinced.

"Maybe, might have just missed one, but you know the other option Ed," Greg paused for a minute, "he wanted you in that way." He paused again, "Go real careful Eddie, I've got a bad feeling about this one."

"Copy Boss." Ed said as they inched their way closer to the building, looking out for anything suspicious. Things seemed exceptionally quiet. Silence was fairly unusual to Team One. There was usually background noises, radios, crowds, sirens and then there was usually some kind of chatter on the headsets or some kinds of sounds from within a structure. Dead silence was unfamiliar and unnerving. Finally, Wordy's voice came over the radio.

"We've come to the exterior, black wall, door. Checking for abnormalities and heat signatures." Wordy carefully put his backpack onto the ground on the side of the door. He started to pull different tools out and held a small device up to the door while looking at a hand-held screen. "Doesn't look like there's anybody on the other side of the door but I think we should snake it also." He said looking at Ed. There was a quick nod and he readjusted and replaced the gear in his bag. "Okay, let's see if we'll get anything with the snake cam." He said quietly, almost to himself. Something suddenly clicked in Spike's mind.

"Wordy, did you check for an infrared signal first?" Spike nearly yelled over the radio. The next thing that Greg and Spike heard in the truck was an explosion and they ran out just in time to see the dust settle over their fallen team mates.

_No! I didn't just end with that did I? Oh well that is a cruel cliffhanger my friends, an exceptionally cruel cliffhanger. Would I really kill off two-thirds of the team? Nah...well...guess you'll have to stick around and see. Any hints about how to get Spike's humor more accurately? Feel like a story about Spike should be a lot funnier. Let me know, will try to update soon. _


	4. Chapter 4

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 4

_So I bet you're itching to see the Team's fate, I am too to be honest. I always start with an idea of where I'm going, but I really don't know the details of the in-between things, I'm not really a rough draft or outline person so hopefully this works out okay. Trying to incorporate more Spike humor, how do you other awesome flashpoint fanfic writers do it? Might get a little unrealistic here, but do me a favor and suspend some disbelief. I don't own anything. _

The first thing he heard was Greg yelling over the radio, even though Spike was standing right next to him, he heard it over the radio before anything else.

"Alpha Team, what's happening, are you guys hurt? Talk to me..." Greg motioned for Spike to follow him as he grabbed a gun from the trunk of one of the SUVs. "Alpha team, respond. Ed, Wordy...Lou, Jules, anyone come in? Sam do you have a visual?" Greg asked as he and Spike began running to the scene.

"Only partial. Wordy took the worst of it. He was blown about twenty feet, I can't tell if he's conscious. I don't see Jules or Ed, Lou is about seven feet from Wordy, he looks like he's coming around." Sam said as he looked through his binoculars. "I think it was a shape charge, it blew out the door, everyone braced to the wall except Wordy, he took the full force...Do you want me to come down Sarge?" Sam asked.

"Negative, you're Sierra 1 and right now you're our only eyes, keep looking for movement, we'll keep you updated and regroup once we check on everyone." Greg said hesitantly, they could have used the extra man but he couldn't afford to pull away all possible options. Spike ran a bit faster than Greg and made it to the cut out hole in the fence moments sooner, stepping through with ease. His heart was beating harder than ever from the adrenaline, the running, and the motivation to get to his team.

When they arrived Lou was shakily getting to his feet. He looked unharmed for the most part, a bit disoriented from the unexpected blast, small cuts on his face from where pebbles were blown up, but otherwise quickly understanding the severity of the situation. Spike picked up a discarded shield and quickly ran to check just within the doorframe, making sure no one was waiting to attack them. When he was sure he detected no movement, he went to check on Ed and Jules. Both were conscious, Jules looking much like Lou, shaken from the blast, small wounds from debris, but she clutched her arm as blood seeped between her fingers.

"Jules, let me see your arm." Spike said with authority. She, surprisingly, did not protest but she carefully removed her hand revealing a deep gash. Blood was readily pouring from the wound and Spike carefully tore part of the sleeve off her uniform and wrapped it. He told her to stay put as he moved towards Ed. He didn't seem to be as badly injured as Jules at first glance but when Spike stood back and looked down at Ed he saw that his ankle was stuck in an odd position, an impossible position, it was definitely broken. "How you doing Ed?" Spike asked as he tried to think of something to use as a brace.

"I'll be okay, how's everyone else?" He said through ground teeth, trying hard to keep his composure.

"Well Lou is fine and Jules has a bad gash in her arm. Wordy's still unconscious, the Boss is with him now." Spike said chancing a glance over at them. He say Greg say something to Lou and then he watched as Lou took off running, shakily at first, but then getting into stride.

"Help me up." Ed said as he tried to prop himself into a sitting position with his hands.

"Ed, you've got a broken ankle. Let me splint it first." Spike said trying to plead with the team leader.

"Fast." Was all Ed said as Spike began to use pieces of the blown apart door as a splint. Lou had just returned with a backboard and a neck brace. The area was still unsecured and paramedics were not being allowed in.

"How's it going over there Spike?" Greg shouted over, not turning.

"Ed's got a broken ankle, I'm almost done splinting it, Jules has a bad gash in her arm, good amount of blood loss." Spike began helping Ed up as a gunshot rang out in the building.

"Time to move!" Greg yelled out over his team. "Sam, tell me you saw the flash?" Greg asked as he strapped Wordy down to the backboard.

"Third floor, North facing wall, I'll try to get a better visual." He said, eyes glued to his binoculars.

"Good. Jules, help Ed, we're getting out of here." Greg said as he and Lou hoisted the board up and carefully carried Wordy to the hole in the fence. "Spike, don't go in alone, stay here, keep a shield, make sure the subject doesn't double back and get out this way. Lou and I will be back and then we'll move in." Greg said over the radio.

"Copy" Spike replied as he took up his post by the door, trying to see into the darkness of the building. After a few minutes, Spike was itching to do something, to expedite things. He grabbed the thermal sensors and took a look into the darkened room. Wordy had said that there were no signatures, but the door was rigged so it was probably also thick, and a second look couldn't hurt. He was scanning the room from the door, not daring step much further in after the blast. It didn't look like there were any more traps but he didn't want to be the one to find out. He had just finished his scan and was about to head back outside when a voice sliced through the dark silence.

"Excuse my manners Constable, won't you come in? I promise there are no more bombs or traps on the first floor. You understand the door, just some security of course." A deep male voice said from somewhere unidentifiable due to the echo of the empty building.

"Boss, he's talking, wants me to come in, promises no more surprises on the ground floor." Spike said quickly and quietly into his earpiece.

_I intended for this and chapter 5 to be one chapter to sum up the call, but it took on a life of its own. Sorry for the awkward ending but didn't feel like changing anything to make it have closure this chapter. _


	5. Chapter 5

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 5

_I wanted this chapter and chapter 4 to be together, but it was getting too long so I had to separate them, thus the kind of awkward start. I don't own anything. Please review. _

"I don't like it Spike. Keep him talking, but don't go in, this guy wants to play with us." Greg said hesitantly, wishing that he had stayed back instead of leaving Spike alone. Ed and Jules were lagging behind he and Lou but they were moving slowly for fear of jostling Wordy too much. If Wordy had been conscious they could have tried to rule out a neck or back injury and Lou could have carried him by himself but they needed to be sure that Wordy would walk away from this. Greg tried to pay attention to what Spike was saying.

"Thank you for the invite sir, can you tell me your name? You know how it is, my mom always told me never to go into a stranger's house, guess the idea stuck with me." Spike tried to think of how to connect with someone he couldn't see and who just blew up half his team. There was no answer to his questions. "My name is Mike Scarlatti, but everyone calls me Spike...you have a nickname?" Spike asked hopefully.

"No, I don't have a nickname and you don't need to know my name. I will turn on the lights in the building, will you come in then?" the voice asked sounding slightly frustrated. Spike hesitated for a moment, knowing that Greg would tell him not to go in at all, to hold his position and keep him talking, but that option wasn't looking promising at this point.

"I think that's a good deal, thank you sir." Spike said, trying to sound sincere. At least when the lights were on he'd be able to see any other traps or bombs or people.

"Spike," Greg said frustrated, "what happened to holding your position? Waiting for us? We're just about to drop Wordy with the medics, I'll head back immediately and Lou will help Ed and Jules the rest of the way, get him talking and don't blow yourself up." Greg finished as the lights went on. Spike was too busy taking in his surroundings to really hear Greg. There were sophisticated shape charges on all of the exterior doors and from where Spike was standing, he could see some of the windows were wired to a small bit of explosive. It almost felt as if he was inside of a bomb being surrounded by so many.

"Sarge," Spike said quietly and cautiously, "you need to get the perimeter expanded at least another three hundred feet. This place is ready to blow. No entry on any doors and no shot through any windows, everything is wired to explode. You and Lou stay back." Spike took a hesitant step inside and ignored Greg's yelling at him over the radio to fall back.

"Sir, I don't want to startle you, I'm just going to step inside a little bit. Thank you for turning on the lights, I don't want to accidentally set off a bomb before we can talk." Spike said smiling, not really anywhere in particular. He stood in the center of the room with his hands raised slightly in a non-threatening pose.

"You're not what I expected." A voice said from behind him. Spike resisted the urge to turn quickly, but instead put his weight on his heal and slowly turned towards the voice.

"Sorry to disappoint." Spike said, catching his sarcasm too late, biting his lip. Instead of a scowl though, he received a smile and a slight laugh from the man he faced. He was slightly older, maybe later forties or early fifties. He had thin brown hair and a fatherly kind of look to him.

"Not a disappointment, no, just surprised. I expected more of, well to put it in the kindest terms, brute strength, guns ablaze, Swat type entry than...well you." The man said sincerely. The words alone could have easily been taken as an insult, but Spike saw the man's body language and knew he wasn't trying to make fun of him, he was sincerely unsure of what to make of the man standing before him.

"Yeah, I'm not really the entry team kind of person, your shape charge took care of most of them, I'm actually more of the bomb and tech guy, and let me tell you, these are quite impressive works." Spike said, gesturing towards one of the shape charges on a nearby door. "I mean, my team mate scanned the door before doing anything, didn't pick up anything abnormal, they're smart guys even if they are the muscle and the fact that they didn't pick up on it is really impressive." Spike said sincerely believing his words, but also trying to foster some trust.

"Thank you. I can tell that you are truly passionate about the art that is involved in bomb making." The man said still regarding Spike carefully.

"I do, I do see the beauty of certain constructs, but it's my job to take them apart, so I guess you can say I'm more of a puzzle man." Spike was getting worried that Greg would think he's a crazy bomber if he continued this way.

"Ah, well bombs are the most fascinating type of puzzle, once you defuse one, no other mystery can live up to that flurry of anxiety that comes with wondering if you're cutting the correct wire." The man seemed to think for a moment. "You may call me Simon, Spike." Spike gave a respectful nod.

"Thank you Simon. Are you a bomb defusal expert, it's not a big group of people, mostly just military and police, we probably know some of the same people." Spike gently poked, trying to get more of an idea of who Simon was.

"I don't think that we'd run in the same circles Spike." He said fairly shortly, Spike knew that he should not continue in that line of questioning. _What now, we've connected...over bombs...well it's something. Now what's the rest?Connect...connect...connect, respect, protect. Got it. _

"So Simon, do you want to tell me what we're doing here today?" Spike asked, trying his best to mimic the way that Greg easily asked questions. Spike waited patiently for his response, listening to the chatter in his ear. Sam didn't have a shot, but was repositioning. Greg was talking to Spike, but he wasn't really listening, Spike was more concerned about what Simon was doing. He didn't look like a sociopath, he looked more regretful than anything. His tone of voice had changed from the first time he'd heard it to when he saw Spike. _What was that about? When he thought I was going to be like Ed or Wordy he sounded really cold, like he didn't care about me as a person, but the minute he saw me and saw that I was more geek than SWAT he changed, I can play on that, I bet I'm a lot like him. _

"Revenge." Simon said shortly. Spike had to backtrack to realize that he had actually answered the question he had posed. Spike nodded slowly.

"What do you want revenge for Simon? I mean so far the only people hurt have been a few of my buddies who were near the door. Are you saying that you planted a bomb somewhere Simon?" Spike asked and immediately regretted.

"Easy Spike. You've got a bond going with this guy, just take it slow." Greg soothed gently in his ear. Spike took a deep breath and tried to think on his feet about how to recover from his blunder.

"No." His thoughts were interrupted by Simon. "The only bombs are in this building. My problem is not with the public." Spike caught a look in Simon's eyes that made him curious.

"Well then who is your problem with?" Spike asked.

"I'm not quite sure I know anymore to be honest Spike," Simon said with a confused sort of look. Spike was also a bit confused but glad that there was doubt, he could use that.

"You know, why don't you come down here, or...or I'll come up to you, that way we can see each other a little better." Spike suggested, more out of being unsure of what to do than anything else.

"I don't think that's a good idea. The stairwell is rigged to explode with a pressure plate. I'm not coming down Spike, I'm going to die here today and I don't want you to die as well, so it's probably best that you leave." He said slowly.

"No, Simon, I'm not going to leave you here. I can disable the pressure plate or we can avoid it all together, come through a window, we can get you out of here Simon." Spike said, hoping the man would take up him offer.

"Thank you Spike, but I don't think so, I can't live without her. I thought that this would help, but it's only made me realize how much I've changed." Simon said calmly, like he'd been speaking the entire conversation. Spike was confused. Greg came over the radio,

"I can't get info for you without a last name Spike. Just keep him talking, the more details the better the chance of me being able to find you something."

"Who are we talking about Simon? I'm sorry, I...I just don't know what you mean." Spike asked. There was a long pause.

"My wife was my reason for living. She was caught in a gun fight between a gang and police. I don't know if it would have been better if she'd been killed by a gang member, knowing that a bad guy was going to jail for what he'd done, would it have helped? I don't know, but knowing that the cop got off for it being in the line of duty was unbearable. Sure you may have killed an innocent woman, but you weren't trying to, so that makes it all better..." He trailed off, tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry about your wife Simon. I'm really, really sorry, and I hear what you're saying about feeling like you didn't get justice, it must be extremely frustrating, infuriating." Spike hoped that he wasn't making things worse.

"Yes, yes it is." He said shortly.

"And that's why you planted all these bombs, and made the fake call, you wanted to get revenge on the police force." It wasn't really a question the way that Spike posed it, but Simon nodded. "The thing is though, it doesn't have to go that way. You haven't killed anyone," Spike paused for a minute, remembering his friends, Wordy. Greg quickly came over the radio,

"Spike, Wordy's going to be fine, he was stable the entire time, probably just a concussion." Spike regained his train of thought.

"You haven't killed anyone, you haven't done anything that you can't take back yet, but killing yourself, you can't take that back Simon. So let me help you walk out of here." Spike finished, actually feeling pretty good about the possibility of getting out of there without anymore explosions.

"You're a good kid Spike. The reason I doubted my plan earlier, that was you. You really remind me of myself when I was younger, but I need to be with her now." Spike was getting ready to talk again when Simon held up a timer and a deadman switch. "I think that five minutes will be a sufficient amount of time for you to make it to your perimeter. I think you're a fast runner." Simon took a breath. "Thank you Spike, I'm glad that I've met you." He pressed a button and the timer began. "I advise you start moving, you're going to be cutting this short." Spike looked at Simon one more moment, trying to figure out if he could shoot the time without setting it off, but then there was the pressure plate. Greg was yelling in his ear.

"Spike! Get out now! That's a direct order Spike! Now!" Greg was serious and Spike knew it. He turned on his heels and ran, jumping through the hole in the fence and diving behind another building just as the entire factory created a massive explosion, rocking the Earth beneath their feet.

_There is more to come, probably not tonight though. Maybe tomorrow. Probably sporadically throughout the week. Thanks for reading so far, hope you're enjoying it. _


	6. Chapter 6

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 6

_So this is going to be a long story. To put the time frame in perspective I'm thinking that the last few chapters were happening a few weeks before "One Wrong Move." The reason I say that is because if you read on (not sure for this chapter but definitely within the next few) there will be big spoilers for that episode. So you've been warned. I don't own anything, and I'd love it if you'd review...pretty please..._

Spike's senses came back slowly. The explosion was massive, Spike was able to feel the heat emitted from the blast even though he was at least two-hundred feet away and behind a brick wall. The Earth shook and the first thing that Spike felt was a ringing in his ears. Dust and rocks had been blown up all around him creating a fog in the air that nearly blocked out the bright, burning sun. He took a few deep breaths and looked himself over. He was unharmed for the most part, his chest hurt a bit from when he dove behind the wall and he was laying a bit awkwardly on his gun. His helmet had flown off and he slowly walked over to retrieve it. Spike found his earpiece tangled up in the helmet strap. Even though it was at least a foot from his ear he was able to hear Greg yelling. He quickly threw the earpiece on.

"-swer me, damnit! Spike do you copy? Spike!" Greg was yelling with panic that Spike had never heard before and it threw him for a moment before he realize that the yelling was addressed to him.

"No harm. No harm, Sarge, I'm okay." Spike said quickly. He scooped up his gear and started running to the front of where the building once was. He heard Greg letting out a huge sigh or relief.

"You had us really worried Spike." He said, regaining his composure.

"Sorry, lost the earpiece for a few minutes. I'm on my way to your position. News on Wordy?" He asked, suddenly remembering that most of his team was injured.

"Not yet, as soon as you get back we'll go to the hospital." With that Spike picked up the pace. There wasn't much talking as Spike returned. Greg patted him on the back and told him that he did a good job and Lou gave him a nod as he gathered the stray weapons and material from around the trucks.

"Spike, ride with me, Eddie is laid out in the backseat, he refused to let the ambulance take him before we finished. Lou, Sam," he said as the sniper ran up to the group. "both of you take a truck, meet us at the hospital." With that everyone jumped into their respective trucks and sped off.

The ride to the hospital was a bit awkward for Spike. He felt as if he needed to say something, but he didn't know what. He knew that Greg and Ed had heard what had transpired, there was no real need to explain it to them, but he couldn't stop himself.

"There was a pressure plate on the stairs, he set a timer for five minutes, he had a deadman switch...I don't get it...we had a bond, I was really getting through to him..." Spike trailed off, wondering where he went wrong.

"Spike, it's not your fault, he wanted to die today and there are some circumstances that come up and we can't stop it. Today was one of those days, you did really great even with all the stuff that happened Spike. Remember that." Greg looked back at the road and steered carefully over a speed bump. The ride returned to silence until a small pot hole made Ed yell out with pain. "Sorry Eddie." Greg said with a guilty face.

"Ed, why didn't you go with the medics?" Spike felt sorry for his friend's pain, but at the same time, he wasn't accustomed to seeing Ed vulnerable and was trying to take in the moment. "It wasn't because you loved the way that my splint matched your cool pants I'm sure." Ed smiled.

"Well we all know what a sap I am for field medicine," He gritted his teeth as they went over the final speed bump and pulled up to the emergency doors to the hospital.

"Spike, you help Ed in, I'm going to find a spot and I'll join you in a few minutes." Greg said as they both got out of the car to stabilize Ed as he leaned on Spike for support. They hobbled slowly to the doors, stopping every few steps to allow Ed to take a breath.

"You know Spike, you really made me proud today." Ed said as they took another few steps.

"Easy buddy, you've got a busted ankle, you're not dying here." Spike said, uncomfortable with the serious tone of the conversation.

"You did your job, you always do great things in the truck, but you negotiated, you patched us all up, I have no doubt that you would have been able to make the shot if you needed, you would have carried all of us out of there if we needed. You did great today Spike." They hobbled a few more steps.

"I guess so." Spike still felt that he should have been able to do more, but Ed's praise had made him look at all that he'd done in the prior hours. "A few more feet, come on Ed." He said as Ed continued to put more weight on him, obviously in a lot of pain. "Excuse me. Excuse me, nurse." Spike called over to the front desk, not wanting to drag Ed the extra fifteen feet. The woman behind the desk didn't look up from her computer and Spike rolled his eyes as he cleared his throat. In a serious tone of voice (mimicking Ed as best he could) "SRU, we need a wheelchair over here, this man is the victim of a bomb blast." Ed smiled slightly and shook his head as a nurse and a doctor ran over with a wheelchair.

"I'm good, it's just my leg." He said as they quickly wheeled him away. Spike could barley contain his laughter as Sam, Lou, and Greg came into the waiting room.

"Lou, I want you to get checked out," sensing the coming resistance Greg held up a hand to keep him from talking, "Lou, you might have lost consciousness, you were blown about fifteen feet by a bomb. You're getting checked out. Come on." Greg motioned for him to follow towards the desk and again he was whisked away by a nurse. Greg turned around at the desk and motioned for Spike to come to him. "Spike, you should get checked." He said with a sympathetic voice. Spike shook his head.

"Sarge, I didn't lose consciousness, I was shielded from the blast, there's not a scratch on me, I don't need to be poked and prodded again, but thanks for the offer." Spike and Greg maintained their eye contact for another moment before Greg nodded.

"Alright." He turned back to the nurse behind the desk. "Sargent Greg Parker, SRU Team One, I need updates on my team. Kevin Wordsworth and Julianna Callaghan were brought by ambulance about an hour ago. Ed Lane and Louis Young were just taken back." Greg said with authority as the young woman frantically typed on her computer. Sam had slowly drifted over to the desk, trying to overhear what was going on.

"Okay," she said after a slight pause while she read the information. "Constable Callaghan needed stitches for her wound and we needed to give her fluids after all the blood she lost. She'll be done with the last of the medication on her IV in about 10 minutes." Though Sam had tried to be discrete hiding his worry for Jules, he let out an audible sigh of relief when he heard the news. Spike decided that now was not the time to poke fun as him as the nurse began to speak again. "It looks like Constables Lane and Young are both in for X-Rays at the moment."

"Wordy," Spike said impatiently correcting himself, "Kevin Wordsworth, how is he?" Greg gave Spike a look telling him to calm down, but he still felt partially responsible. Only now, after playing back the events of the day did Spike realize that he should have fought Ed and gone with them to check that nothing was rigged, he was the bomb expert and because he wasn't there one of his team mates, one of his friends was seriously injured...or even...

"Constable Wordsworth just regained consciousness a few minutes ago." They all visibly calmed at the statement and turned back to listening to the nurse. "It seems that he has a serious concussion along with some broken ribs. He'll be staying here for two or three nights to make sure there is no further brain injury and to assure that he gets his rest." She smiled at Greg as she saw them all relax and turn to find seats in the waiting room.

"I've got to call Shelly and Sophie. God, they must hate me, whenever I call it's usually to tell them which hospital to come to." Greg turned his phone over in his hands, not wanting to the dial the numbers. Comparatively, the news was good, he'd called them under much worse circumstances, but he hated making them panic for the few seconds that it took for him to tell them that their husbands were okay. Greg seemed to nod to himself and look back up at Spike and Sam. "If you get any news on Lou come and get me." He said as he turned and walked out. Spike and Sam sat quietly in the waiting room looking between the doors, the clock, and their hands. Greg returned after 15 minutes and told them that Shelly was on her way after dropping the girls off at a neighbors and Sophie would pick Clark up and meet them there. They returned to their silent routine until the doors opened and Lou slowly walked towards them carrying most of his body armor.

"I'm good." He said as he sat next to Spike. "A little sore, a little bruised from the blast, but I'll be fine for light stuff tomorrow, ready for full duty in a few days." Greg nodded, knowing it wasn't really worth asking what the doctors had actually said about when he should return. Lou always just wanted to move on and get back to team updated him about the other's conditions and just as they finished, Jules joined them, plopping down next to Sam. They proceeded to update her just as Sophie and Clark came through the doors and directly to Greg. He stood as he hugged Sophie and extended a hand for Clark to shake. He led them to the front desk where they were informed that Ed was just getting his brace on and would be out in a few minutes.

Greg relayed the information to the team as they all took their seats and waited. After a few minutes the double doors opened and Ed slowly made his way, on crutches over to the team. As he hobbled closer, the outside door flew open and Shelly quickly walked in, nearly knocking Ed over.

"Oh Ed, I'm so sorry," she said as she helped him stabilize himself again.

"It's fine Shelly," He said as they made their way over to the team. Greg hugged Shelly and took her to the desk as Ed sat down in a chair his son vacated for him. Ed smiled at him as he pulled over another chair for him to elevate his foot. "Thanks buddy." He said softly as he pulled Clark into a tight hug.

"They said that we can see Wordy in a few minuets but not for long, he needs to rest and so do all you guys. Just to make it clear. If I see any of you at the work tomorrow I am going to riot cuff you and lock you in your home. Is that clear?" Greg asked in a tone that was amazingly split between serious and light hearted. "Spike," he said looked at him, "you're the only one exempt from that, I just want to debrief with you tomorrow morning, since half the team was here since before we even made contact I think that a quick thing should work." Spike nodded as a doctor came out into the waiting room and called for the family of Kevin Wordsworth. When seven people stood and started to approach him, he raised an eyebrow but Greg's look told him not to question.

"You can see him, but ten minutes is all. Don't stress him, he has a serious concussion and multiple broken ribs. He's in some pain, we can't give him too much medication with the concussion, but by tonight we'll be able to help him rest comfortably. He'll be staying here tomorrow night but then he should be able to go back home and rest." The doctor said as he led them to a room. Wordy smiled when he saw everyone approach and tried to sit up a bit only to be floored by the pain in his chest.

"Forgot about the ribs for a minute." Wordy said through gritted teeth. Shelly bent down and gently kissed his forehead. "Sorry sweetheart." He said quietly, he hated getting hurt, not because of the physical pain (though that was a strong deterrent) but because of the pain he put his wife through every time she needed to come to the hospital.

"I know." she said as she gently took his hand. The team tried to lighten the mood cracking jokes and playing around on Ed's crutches, but Spike was oddly quiet. Most of the team didn't notice, they were glad that everyone was going to be walking away from their ordeal, but Greg picked up on his downcast eyes, the same look he had when he tried to use the free-weights. _Guilt will eat that man alive._ Greg thought to himself as he made a mental note to delve into that during the debrief the next morning. After fifteen minutes, the nurse came and kicked all of them out but Shelly. A chorus of 'get wells' came from the group as they exited and headed their separate directions home.

_Not sure if I'll actually write the debrief or just skip it and get more into the guilt thing after the next...event...if you've seen "One Wrong Move" you can take a guess as to where I'm going to pick up. I'm leaning towards skipping the debrief and elaborating on things later, what do you guys think? Thanks for reading. Class in the morning, so I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. _


	7. Chapter 7

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 7

_So if you're still reading, thanks a lot! If you're reviewing I like you even more...what can I say, I play favorites. Thanks especially to Tinkerpanda and Taboo-Hearts for showing me the ropes, (can you imagine this story had I not figured out chapters by now) and consistently encouraging me to continue. I know that I have a tendency to write this little blurb and say 'in the next chapter' and meanwhile it turns out to be this chapter or in three chapters...I don't really plan ahead, so just beware that soonish, there's going to be some post "One Wrong Move" action, so don't read if you don't want major spoilers. I don't own anything. _

**Two Weeks Later**

"So Lou, wanna do something-"

"Stop Spike." Lou abruptly held up his hand and stopped walking with a serious expression on his face. Spike stopped also, confused at the sudden action. "The last two times we've had this conversation one or more of us have ended up in the hospital." Lou said as he began walking to the gym.

"Come on Lou, you don't believe in those superstitions do you?" Spike jogged to catch up to his friend, smiling as he thought about the possible pranks that he could pull if Lou was indeed superstitious. _I'll need a ladder, a cat...oh no cats, Ed will kill me...or maybe that would be even better..._Spike's mind quickly trying to figure out how to get a cat in the shower when Lou threw a water bottle at him and he realized the conversation had continued.

"Not superstitious, nah, but you have to admit, this is seeming more and more like statistics if you ask me." Lou smiled jokingly. He looked around and leaned closer to Spike whispering. "We'll see how the day goes." Spike smiled, at first because of Lou's response, but then because of the scene that unfolded before them.

He'd heard the commotion before they had been able to see it. Ed was yelling something and they were able to hear Wordy laughing as he quickly turned a corner with one of Ed's crutches. Wordy had only been fully back for a few days and Ed was slotted to be fully functional within the next week.

"This is for your own good Ed. You've got the walking cast and if you use one crutch that'll help you transition and then you'll be walking and then running and then you can come back," Wordy was weaving between the machines in the gym, yelling over his shoulder to Ed, who had finally caught up, hobbling between the one crutch and the walking brace. "because I seriously don't think I can ride with Sam anymore," Wordy gave the sniper a charming smile as he turned the corner and joined the team in the gym. "he's a fine guy and all, but do you know what kind of music he listens to on patrol...can I even call that music Samtastic?" Wordy asked seriously. Greg, hearing the sounds from the gym (and knowing they were fooling around this time) pushed himself to the doors of the briefing room in his wheeling chair.

"Boss," Ed said as a look of glee came to his face. "I need to commandeer your chair, very important matters." Ed said as Greg rose and he took his seat. Ed began pushing himself backwards using a combination of the crutch and his god leg. "I'm coming for you Wordy, you'd better run fast because I didn't exactly think through the brakes on this thing..." Ed yelled as he chased Wordy down another hallway. The rest of the team broke down into laughter as Jules joined them.

"What did I miss?" She said, disappointed that no one was able to fill her in without laughing. She went up to Sam and punched him in the shoulder as he recounted the story with as much coherence as could be mustered. She smiled as they all settled into their workouts. Greg, his chair being stolen, changed and joined his team in the gym, jumping onto a bike next to Spike. There were a few minutes of silence until Wordy rounded the corner again, this time in gym clothes, pushing Ed (who was sitting in the rolling chair with a pile of paperwork in his lap) into the briefing room. Wordy sat on a mat in the corner of the gym and began to stretch his arms and legs before starting a treadmill.

"Easy Wordy, I believe the Doc specifically said MODIFIED duty." Greg said as he saw Wordy work his way up to a quick running pace.

"Well I figured by modified he basically meant not to get blown up again for a few weeks...he didn't say anything about running." Wordy joked as he pushed the speed up a bit again. Greg rolled his eyes but knew there wasn't much to be done. No one on his team listened to doctors, it was a known and accepted fact. No matter what the injury was, it never took more than a week for it to heal in his team's eyes, except when there was a cast making it impossible to do anything. Ed had even tried to dodge that fact, one morning about a week after the explosion Greg had found Ed trying to get up from where he laid on his stomach in the gym. He had been trying to see if he'd be able to take up a sniper perch with the cast on. Greg laughed to himself and saw Spike looking at him out of the corner of his eye again.

He tried to be nonchalant, Spike hadn't wanted Greg to see that his gaze was directed at the Sargent, but more and more over the past few weeks he'd found Spike looking at, no more like, studying him. He couldn't pinpoint a distinct moment or give, it was more just a surprising change. Spike was usually going a mile a minute on a call doing a million things at once but lately he seemed to almost stop and closely listen to Greg as he tried to negotiate with a subject. Greg couldn't know for sure, but he thought that Spike's odd behavior had something to do with the call from a few weeks ago. Simon Esher really got under Spike's skin and there was something that Greg (and maybe not even Spike) was able to pinpoint that was bothering him. That, and the fact that every day Spike came in looking more exhausted than the last. Greg had tried hard to get him to open up a bit and it killed him that Spike refused to admit that there was anything wrong. Spike was one of the ones on the team who retained a very sensitive and emotional side, even though he often deflected his serious feelings with humor.

When Greg looked up from his thoughts almost and hour had passed and his legs were sore from the repetitive movements of the bike. He looked out over the gym and saw his team going about different workouts, not wanting to move on to paperwork or whatever other tedium Greg had prepared for them. Since half of the team had been hurt, they'd been assigned as a backup unit and were instructed to do paperwork or other maintenance work and the team itched for something to do. He smiled as he looked over to an open area used for combat training. Jules was sitting on top of Sam and Wordy laid on the edge of the mat instructing Sam on how to get out of the vulnerable position. Spike and Lou were at the punching bag, Lou holding it as Spike gave it quick jabs with his right arm.

"Fifteen minutes guys, then I want you in the briefing room." Greg said loudly to his team as he stepped off the bike. The rest of the team finished their exercises and changed in the locker room, straggling into the gym within a few minutes of each other. "Okay guys," Greg said as the room calmed and their attention was focused. "I think I've tortured you enough paperwork and you've had enough of a workout today, I'm thinking patrols today." Everyone visibly relaxed at Greg's statement. Patrols were really nothing special, they would usually take a few small calls scattered throughout the day, it was basically just driving around the city and seeing where they were needed, but it was a necessary reprieve for the team.

"No!" Wordy joked putting his head in his hands. "Please don't make me ride with Sam again. Jules, please take him back." Wordy begged, trying hard to contain his laughter. Sam smirked a bit and punched Wordy in the shoulder.

"Come on Wordy, we all know you love my music. Anyway, it's your rule. You wouldn't let me drive, so I got to pick the music." Sam said, enjoying the torture he was inflicting on his friend.

"Sam, Wordy just got out of the hospital and if he let you drive,he'd just be back there again and then Shelly would have to kill you." Jules said matter-of-factly.

"Okay, okay," Greg interrupted before the conversation could continue. "Jules, sorry but you can keep him in control, you've got Samtastic. Wordy, you ride with me. Lou and Spike ride together." Ed looked up hopefully, the words forming on his lips as Greg gave him a smirk. "Eddie, I believe you still have some paperwork to do, and when you finish with that, you can go through weapons logs and when you finish with that you can try to fix that auto-transcriber, it keeps thinking that I'm saying 'psalm' instead of 'calm' and the transcripts get kind of confusing when I, apparently, go religious." The team laughed as Greg told them to meet at the trucks in fifteen minutes. Ed rose from the chair and hobbled out of the room yelling

"You owe me," over his shoulder. Lou had bent down to tie his shoe before exiting the briefing room but before Greg could make it to the doors, he had stood up and hesitantly began speaking.

"Boss, can I ah...can I have a minute of your time?" He tried hard to keep eye contact but ended up looking at a spot on the wall just over Greg's shoulder. Greg nodded, motioning for him to sit down at the table.

"What's on your mind Lou?" Greg asked as he regarded the man before him. Lou was soft spoken but he always maintained eye contact. His body language suggested that he was anxious.

"I...well I don't know if it's my place exactly...but I'm worried about Spike." He said with downcast eyes. Greg nodded subtly.

"I hear you, I've been a little worried myself," Greg said as Lou finally met his gaze. "but I can't get him to talk to me." Greg paused a minute and saw Lou take slow, even breaths. "Do you think he'll talk to you Lou?" Greg asked, trying not to let the hope seep into his voice; he didn't want Lou to feel obligated to make his friend talk.

"I don't know...I think so." Lou said with a subtle nod.

"Well, I'm here if you need me. You know, if he opens up to you, you don't have to tell me what it is if you think he'll be okay. Just, tell me if he opens up, he needs to talk, I can feel it." Greg said as he waved Wordy away from the door of the briefing room with a gesture that indicated he'd be finished in a minute. Lou nodded and stood.

"Thanks Sarge. I'll give it my best." He said as he exited.

"Let's keep the peace." Greg said, more to himself than anybody else. _Keep the peace._

_Okay, if we don't have a delayed opening tomorrow...today...I'm going to be pissed. They say another 10 inches of snow here, thus I stay up until nearly 2 AM to finish this chapter. Was it worth it? Hope you enjoy. More to come soon. _


	8. Chapter 8

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 8

_What do I have to say for this chapter? I guess I can stop wrongfully warning you that there are spoilers, you've probably gotten the point by now. This will probably not be the spoiler chapter though, but then again why would you listen to my prediction, I am obviously not great at predicting the course my stories will take. So here it is. P.S. I don't own flashpoint, though if any of the producers are willing to give it up, I'd take it off their hands..._

Spike was glad to be out of that stifling SRU building, he felt like Cabin Fever was fast approaching all the members of the team if they were going to be forced to alternate paperwork and the gym any longer. So far they hadn't really gotten any calls. One gang fight had broken out a few blocks from their location but police sirens quelled that quickly. A convenience store was robbed but the subjects got away with about two-hundred dollars and a case of beer, probably just some teenagers but there was nothing Spike and Lou were able to do by the time they arrived on the scene.

They drove down the city streets, eyes peeled for any indications of crime but it was the middle of the afternoon and few people were out on the streets. Spike took his eyes off the road momentarily and glanced over at Lou. His partner had been quiet today, _Well Lou is quiet most every day but usually there's something, small talk or jokes, or gossip, just some form of conversation_. Spike was trying to figure out a way of starting a conversation when Lou began speaking over the earpiece.

"Hey Boss, Spike and I are going to stop at Timmy's and take a bathroom break, grab some coffee, it's dead quiet around here." He said as Greg gave them the go ahead to stop. Spike pulled the SUV over into the parking lot, a bit confused why Lou turned off his radio. He motioned for Spike to do the same and he switched it off, cutting off their communication with the rest of the team. Spike looked at Lou, officially confused. Lou looked straight ahead, through the windshield, deep in thought. Just as Spike was about to interrupt him, Lou looked directly into Spike's eyes and calmly began speaking. "We've got to talk man." Spike was even more confused. Lou was not a guy who willingly talked about emotional things but Spike was able to get the idea that this conversation was about to get deep.

"Is everything alright Lou?" Spike asked, not really sure about what to make of the sudden proclamation.

"I'm fine..." he said originally with conviction but as Spike listened to the statement over again in his head he heard subtle sounds of doubt, maybe even a question. Lou began speaking again and Spike prepared himself to listen hard to whatever was going to be said. "but I'm worried about you, Spike." A combination of sympathy and anxiety was evident in his voice and Spike recoiled for a minute after being surprised by the explanation for Lou's strange behavior.

"Me...but...I'm fine buddy." Spike said quickly slapping a smile on his face. He hoped that his assurance was enough and the awkward conversation would be over. He reached for the door handle and Lou simultaneously grabbed him arm and pressed the door lock button on his door panel.

"We're not done here." Lou said simply as he leaned back in his seat and looked at Spike with a glimmer of expectancy in his eyes. Spike looked at him, unsure of exactly what to say. _I'm fine. A little bout of insomnia, it always happens when someone gets hurt._

"I'm fine." Spike said out loud this time, a sense of seriousness in his voice. The tone he used bordered on annoyance but he hoped that Lou didn't take it that way. Lou's face had remained firm and his body language unwavering, Spike was not leaving the truck until they spoke. "What are you, the Boss now, you're not a touchy feely-guy Lou...where's this coming from?" Spike, still not positive about Lou's motivations, tried to turn the questions back onto him and avoid this. He didn't need help, he needed to sleep but that would come eventually.

Lou looked at his friend, trying to keep his features soft and his voice even. He was not exactly a negotiator type; while Lou knew exactly what needed to be said for the most part, he had trouble connecting emotionally with people on the spot. He envied Greg's ability to instantly form bonds with even the worst bad guys. Some of the subjects reminded Lou too much of who he could have been, who he might have been. His strong emotional resiliency was forged (by necessity) during childhood, and though it was never much of a problem in his life, connecting to people was tough. He knew the handbook, in a bind he could slow things down, but there was something that he lacked when it came to talking to people. Not many people were able to see past this difficulty, most people just thought he had nothing to say; to the contrary, he had more to say than most people could ever imagine, a story that barley anyone knew, no one except Greg and Spike really understood how deep of a person he was.

Spike looked and felt anxious. The car that only a few minutes ago seemed like the best escape from the station now felt claustrophobic and confined. He wanted desperately to get out and forget that this conversation had ever occurred, but he knew that wasn't an option. Spike looked at Lou, knowing he was serious, but still not sure what to say. Lou broke the awkwardly long silence.

"Spike, you haven't been yourself lately. I don't know what it is exactly, something's just changed man. I mean, you don't tell jokes or goof off anymore, and god knows the last time we've pulled a prank on someone, I mean Sam is way overdue but you haven't even mentioned anything. And...I don't know, you just seem...off." Lou tried to express as much emotion as possible and Spike looked like a combination of upset and annoyed.

"I'm tired. That's it. I didn't sleep too well last week but last night I got like, eleven hours, so I'll catch up." Spike said in a fairly unconvincing voice. Lou slowly shook his head, knowing that he wasn't going to open up.

"I'm not going to push Spike. You're right, I'm not the Boss, I'm not good with the whole emotional thing but just promise me something?" Lou asked making a concerted effort to keep eye contact. Spike quickly nodded. "Day or night, anytime for anything, you call me if you need. Okay." Lou didn't really phrase the last part as a question, but Spike nodded. "It's okay to talk to people Spike, the Boss is good with that stuff." Lou said as he unlocked the doors.

"I know, I know." Spike said as they walked into the coffee shop. "But it's gonna be okay. I just need to catch up on some sleep." Spike said as he ordered his coffee and turned his radio back on, the official end of the conversation.

_I know this is a short one. I felt like there needed to be some kind of moment highlighted between Lou and Spike before...well...you'll see. Might be able to get the next chapter up tonight, might be tomorrow, but then again, does it really matter, no one is really reviewing so I guess it isn't really catching your attention. Just kidding, I know people just don't feel like reviewing sometimes, I'm guilty of that too, but it would be nice to hear from some people here, it's only my third story and I'd love some feedback...pretty please with sugar on top..._


	9. Chapter 9

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 9

_Spoilers! Really, this time it's not a drill! So I feel like they really could have done a lot after "One Wrong Move" with Spike, or really any of the characters, but not much happened other then some resistance to Leah and the bracelets. Leah might be in later, but I don't know really anything about her so I'll see if she fits, don't hold your breath for her. Still don't own Flashpoint incase you were wondering. Thanks to the few people who have reviewed so far, I see the traffic and I'm getting a lot of hits...where are you? _

**Moments after "One Wrong Move," Assume it's about two weeks after Chapter 8**

There was a battle within him; he was so engulfed by despair that he almost preferred the feeling of numbness that he found after the long hours of tears. Words wouldn't form in his mind as the magnitude of his feelings constantly overwhelmed any rational process that he once possessed. His only solace was the gentle rocking motions that Greg continued for...well hours...time seemed irrelevant, it didn't matter anymore. Greg sat on the ground, gently shushing Spike as his howling cries filled the courtyard. The crowd had long since cleared, the SIU was on the scene (though they knew they wouldn't be questioning anyone tonight, they just needed to be there for formality's sake), and the team was in basically the same spots that they had been for hours.

Jules was hugging Wordy, first crying into his chest, then just leaning against him for support. He needed her too, needed someone to hold as he shed a few silent tears. Ed had done much the same, silent tears, trying to control his breathing, trying to keep a strong facade for his team. Sam had walked away from the team at first, an old habit from the military, walk away and come back when you're ready to move on, can't be weak in the desert in the middle of a war, but after fifty feet he turned on his heals. Now was not the time to isolate himself, he was a different person than he had been and he needed to be there now. He stopped off behind a brick wall and gave it a few quick jabs, bloodying his knuckles and putting his gloves back on, some habits remain intact forever.

Spike had stayed nestled in Greg's embrace not wanting to move, not knowing if he could move, not caring about anything that was happening around him. Greg had shed a few tears but did not loosen his grasp around Spike. A few times he had mumbled under his breath about wanting to see Lou but Greg only grabbed him tighter whispering gentle words in his ear until Spike fell back into him, a new wave of tears paralyzing him to his core. None of them took notice of time. Their shift had ended hours ago; the sun, which had been close to setting when the land-mine...the sun had sunken below the horizon and the evening had long passed. It was well into the night now and the only light cast on the six members of the SRU was emitted from the headlights of the few police cruisers that were still on the scene, waiting for the okay that the crime scene team could begin their job.

Ed had barley moved. He was focusing all of his attention, all of his focus and his energy into breathing. _Calm deep breaths. Stay strong. Calm deep breaths. In and out._ He said to himself over and over, trying to keep reality from setting in. He couldn't cry here, he wouldn't be weak here, they needed him to be strong and he knew it. _Deep breaths. Calm deep breaths._

"Constable Lane..." a timid voice whispered to Ed. He felt anger boil his blood as he saw an SIU investigator standing next to him. Ed's face was the epitome of rage, his stare icy cold. The investigator was afraid that Ed would hit him, strangle him; Ed's muscles tensed and shook from the strain but he forced himself to breath. He said nothing, he knew that tears would choke through if he had tried, he just stared the Investigator down. "I...I get that your team has to grieve...I don't want to deny them that, but it's been almost four hours...I need to let the Crime Scene Team go in. You guys can stay if you'd like...but...I figured I'd give you some warning. I...I can hold them back for another ten or fifteen minutes." He finished shakily. Ed's muscles were still tense, his expression unflinching. He glared at the man before him for another moment before taking stock of his team.

Jules and Wordy were a few feet to his right, Jules had dried tears all over her face and Wordy held onto her for, what seemed like, dear life. Sam was a few feet behind them leaning on one of the SUVs, his head in his hands. Ed didn't think he was crying but he saw dried blood on his sleeve and wrist, he'd have to deal with that later though. Greg was still sitting on the ground in front of them comforting Spike who was still crying hard into his boss's chest. Ed wished he didn't have to interrupt anything, he would have loved to dissolve away, be nothing, feel nothing, but that wasn't an option, he had to be their pillar of strength. It took him a moment to move, it was almost like he'd forgotten the simple motion of walking. He took a few breaths as he tried to muster the strength to walk to Wordy. It was a battle within itself to get the few feet without completely breaking down, he hadn't realized how exhausted he was but he didn't care at this point.

Wordy had noticed the movement to his side but didn't take much notice as Ed approached them. He knew what was coming but didn't want to accept it. Once they left that scene, they would need to begin the process of healing, of moving on, and Wordy knew that none of them wanted to take that first step and begin that process. He wasn't surprised when he saw Ed was the one to approach. He hugged Jules tighter before letting up and facing his team leader and his friend.

"S-" Ed's voice cracked for a moment and was horse. He cleared his throat and began again. "SIU says that we need to wrap it up," Ed took a breath to calm himself before continuing. "You okay to drive Wordy?" Ed asked, knowing that he didn't want Jules or Sam to drive back to SRU Headquarters being so emotional. It took Wordy a moment to understand the question but he eventually nodded and a horse 'yeah' escaped his throat. Ed put a strong hand on his shoulder and squeezed it tightly. "Take Jules and Sam, I'll take the Boss and Spike." He said as he approached Sam.

He was right, Sam hadn't been crying, he looked angry as he raised his gaze and stood at attention as Ed approached. Those old military habits. "Easy Sam." Ed said as he placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. His body didn't relax, but his eyes did. Ed looked at him, not exactly sure what he was reading, but Sam was having strong feelings, even if he didn't show them. "You're going back to Headquarters with Wordy and Jules." Ed tried not to make it sound like an order but he couldn't afford to be emotional right now. Sam simply nodded and walked over to the other two who began gathering the gear closest to them and putting it into the SUV.

Ed paused as he tried to figure out the best way to approach the remaining members of his team. Spike was still crying, though not as loudly as he had been. _God, the kids got to be exhausted._ Ed wondered where all of the energy was coming from and wondered if he should interrupt. Spike needed to cry, needed to let out his emotions in some form because Ed knew that chances were he would shut down the minute life had to move on. He wondered if he could convince SIU to hold off another hour but he knew that it wouldn't do much good. Someone had to tell Spike that it was time to go. They couldn't be sure that he would ever move on his own and Ed knew that when Spike looked back at the last moments before his life restarted, there should not be crime scene technicians in the memory. Ed signaled the investigator who had approached him. "You are going to hold them back until we are completely off scene. Lou..Lou was that kid's best friend and he is not going to see Crime Scene Techs." He said firmly. The investigator nodded and told his guys to remain in their trucks until he gave them the all clear. Ed mustered up all the courage and strength he could and slowly approached Greg and Spike.

Neither of them looked up when he approached. They were both stuck in the soothing, repetitive motions that they had been going through for hours. Ed wondered what the best way to interrupt them would be. His mind was reeling and the more he thought, the more he wanted to let them be and fight off the SIU single handedly, but he decided to let his instincts take over. He knelt down on the other side of Spike and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Spike didn't seem to notice he was so stuck in his mind and the gentle rocking. Ed squeezed his shoulder lightly and turned his body slightly so that he could see it was Ed. "Come on Spike." He said softly. Spike paused his crying for a minute and looked at Ed as if he'd never seen him before. He balanced himself into a sitting position on the ground and looked at his hands with awe for a moment. Greg sat with an arm around his shoulder, still cradling him closely but also allowing him his space.

"Spike...buddy, it's time to go, okay?" Greg said with a gentle and pained voice. Spike looked between him and Ed and his hands. He looked around the quad, he almost seemed confused. His face had fallen and he was obviously exhausted, tears still rolled readily from his eyes, though now they were silent. Spike again looked at them and, first slowly but then rapidly, shaking his head. He mumbled something under his breath that neither man could understand until Spike had already risen to his feet and was yelling.

"No! NO!" He took a few steps towards the site of the explosion before growing dizzy and falling back into Ed and Greg's waiting arms. Ed and Greg each took one of Spike's arms and flung them over their own shoulders, supporting his weight but also keeping him from running off to his fallen friend. He was still yelling and still fighting them with the energy he had left as tears streamed down his face. The yells became quieter and turned, once again to sobs as Ed helped Spike into the backseat of the SUV and Greg joined him. Ed got into the driver's seat and started the engine but the sound seemed to give Spike a renewed sense of energy. He jumped up and fumbled with the door handle trying to see through his tear clouded eyes. Ed and Greg had both reached for Spike, trying to calm him. Greg eventually got him to lean close again and tried to whisper his comforting words in his ear. Spike was still struggling, still quietly sobbing the word 'no' over and over again.

"Shhh." Greg soothed for a few minutes as Ed waited for the okay to move. "Shhh. We're going home Spike. We're going home...Shhh. It's gonna be okay." Spike had seemed to calm down, but at Greg's last statement he paused and then began hyperventilating. Ed had climbed into the backseat by this point and tried to calm Spike from his panic attack as Greg reeled, lost in his thoughts momentarily. _Shit. _He chastised himself as he realized what the panic attack was about. _Those were the last words Lou said to him. Shit._ Greg was stuck in his head, beating himself over the sentence as Ed tried to coach Spike's panicked breathing.

"Spike. Look at me." Ed said with a firm but sympathetic tone. Spike looked up briefly, and Ed spoke again. "Deep breaths, do it with me." He said as he demonstrated and began deeply inhaling through his nose, exhaling through his mouth. "Good Spike, again." They breathed together for fifteen or twenty minutes, until Spike fell back in the chair, fully exhausted from his ordeal. "We're going to go now Spike." Ed said trying to be as gentle as possible. Tears rolled from Spike's closed eyes. He tried to say something but his voice horse, barley a whisper form the crying and yelling. Ed reached to the front seat and pulled out a water bottle. Spike took it with shaky hands and drank small sips. He gathered up his breath again and whispered.

"I can't leave him here alone." Tears came to Greg's eyes as he hugged Spike again. "I can't leave him here." He continued as he cried again into Greg's shoulder.

"I know Spike." Greg tried to keep his voice even but the emotion was obviously getting to him. "We don't want to either, but it's time for us to go, okay? It's time for us to go. He'll be okay, I promise. It's time for us to go." Greg said as he gave Ed a meaningful look. Ed climbed slowly back into the driver's seat, collecting himself before he put the truck in gear and slowly drove towards the SRU headquarters, not sure what would happen when they stepped into the locker room, not wanting to know what kind of problems and challenges would await them the next day and the day following and the weeks and months that it would take them to even begin to move past this day.

_I know that was super sad and depressing, I gave you a lot of fair warning. I always wondered what would have happened in the moments after "One Wrong Move," I particularly wondered how Spike would end up leaving, this is how I always imagined it. What do you guys think? Thanks to iheartlife for the encouragement and the reviews by the way. More to come soon, maybe this weekend, but we'll see what happens with Superbowl and my schoolwork. _


	10. Chapter 10

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 10

_So I've been thinking a lot about where I want to go with this story, and I figured it out with the help of Taboo-Hearts. As depraved and cynical as it might sound, I loved writing Chapter 9 and (without fully realizing it) I set up all of the characters for further story lines based on their reaction post "One Wrong Move." That's where my dilemma came up: I could continue the story and change my focus to include all of the characters, or I could keep it Spike-centric and come back to the others at another time. I'm learning towards keeping this story Spike centered and I'll come back and write about the rest of them in separate stories, it'll just work out to be a lot cleaner (although if you pay close attention you might be able to find some teasers for the other characters...hint hint). I feel like I would have lost a lot of great Spike momentum if I'd strayed form my original plan, speaking of momentum, let's keep this going. I still don't own anything and I'd still appreciate reviews (thanks so much if you already have)!_

There were primarily two contradictory feelings in the air of the Briefing Room: numbness and volatility. It was late, almost midnight when the shattered Team One slowly trickled into Headquarters. Though Winnie's shift was over when the team's was, hours earlier, she had stayed to help out where she could. She made sure that the Briefing Room was free, she held all calls going to Greg and Ed's phones, and she called Shelly and Sophie to tell them that their husbands would most likely be home late (though she left out the details, it was not her place to tell them.) When Wordy came in with Sam and Jules she saw the unmistakable drained look in their eyes. She'd seen both Jules and Sam at some of their worst spots, but she'd never seen Wordy look so conflicted and so pained.

"Briefing Room." He said shortly to Jules and Sam as they blindly obeyed, too tired and too lost in their thoughts to do anything else. He looked at Winnie and tried to think. "We're...we're going to need some time in there. Can you have Team Two-"

"I already set them up in Conference Room One with instructions to all Teams that they will be briefing there tonight if the need arises."

"Good, good...and ah...Commander Halloran needs to be informed-"

"Done, he said that he'd speak to the Boss later, I'm redirecting all his calls for now...I figured he didn't need the distraction of playing politics..." Winnie responded, hoping that she didn't overstep.

"Good, that's good thinking." Wordy said as he turned to walk to the briefing room. He stopped short and threw his head back, eyes closed. "Sophie, oh shit, and Shelly...I need to-"

"Wordy," Winnie said with a firm voice. He looked at her, a bit surprised. "I called them already. I didn't tell them details, just that you guys were held up on a call and would be late." Wordy looked at her, confused. "Working helps me..." she paused a minute and averted her gaze. "He was my friend too." She said simply, a tear rolling down her face. Wordy stepped closer and tightly hugged her. They stayed in their embrace a moment before Winnie gently pulled away. "Go," she said as she gestured towards the briefing room, "they need you now."

Wordy stepped back and before he could say anything, she was down the corridor going to find some other work to do. He mentally told himself to remember to talk to the Boss about her when things calmed down, to make sure she was alright. Wordy turned and made the short walk to the briefing room, noticing how far apart Sam and Jules were. Jules sat at her normal spot around the table, her head down in her folded arms. She was physically and emotionally exhausted, they all were, but none of them wanted to leave. Sam stood in the far end of the room, standing up straight, hands behind his back, eyes cold, staring directly in front of him. He was 'at ease' in a soldier's resting position. Wordy knew that this was a defense, that Sam was reverting to his old self, the person that lost friends to land mines in Afghanistan, but Wordy also knew that he needed to break Sam out of that mentality, he needed to get Sam to talk and to mourn and to feel.

He scooped a water bottle off the center of the table (probably another of Winnie's ideas) and slowly approached Sam. As he walked he stood up straighter and hardened his features as much as possible. Emotions would cause Sam to shut down at a time like this, what Sam needed was another solider but mirroring him would have to do right now.

"You need to drink some water Sam." Wordy tried to keep his voice firm and extended the bottle. They were about four feet apart so Sam needed to take a step forward to reach the bottle. He gave a quick nod and cracked the seal of the cap. He winced for a moment when he put his hands into a fist, his gloves rubbing on the open wounds that he had inflicted when he punched the wall. "You okay?" Wordy asked, sympathy and concern creeping into his tone. Sam looked at him with an expression somewhere between a laugh and a desire to punch him. "I mean, you're bleeding Sam." Wordy quickly understood that Sam mistook his words and brought attention to the wrist that was exposed between the gloves and Sam's uniform. Sam just looked at Wordy, a cold look that almost dared him to ask what the blood was from, but Wordy wasn't intimidated. "Jules," Wordy said, still not breaking eye contact with Sam, "think you can grab me a first aid kit?"

She mumbled something and walked out of the room as Wordy softened his gaze. Mirroring wasn't working right now, it couldn't work with Wordy being so emotional, he could never have a soldier's discipline when it came to compartmentalizing emotions. "Sam, buddy, please just sit down." Wordy asked with a sympathetic voice. "We're all exhausted and I know you're not the exception here, just sit okay?" Wordy coaxed him to sitting at the table, still rigid and seemingly unresponsive. Jules returned with the first aid kit and sat next to Sam. Wordy took a seat opposite them and started to pull things out of the kit. "Sam, let me see." Wordy gently tried to convince him to remove his gloves. There was no response from Sam and no indication that he would willingly do anything. "Sam, I won't ask what happened, let me just stop the bleeding and clean it out." Wordy tried not to sound frustrated but his patience was moving on a fluctuating scale tonight and at this moment, he didn't think he could deal. Just as he was about to leave the room and try to calm down, Sam made a short move and pulled off his right glove, then the left.

"Sam..." Jules whispered in the kind of tone that a mother would use with a child, not really angry, but almost pity. Anger flared in Sam's eyes for a moment but he calmed again and looked at Wordy, meeting his sad eyes. Wordy nodded and pulled open an alcohol wipe, gently holding Sam's hand as he let them disinfect. As he cleared away the dirt and the ripped up skin, he began to piece together what happened. Emotion and anger almost shielded people from pain. Wordy remembered, year ago, going at the punching bag in the gym without gloves, knowing how his knuckles would be cut up and bleeding by the time he finished. Wordy kept his promise and silently wrapped gauze around Sam's right knuckles. Wordy began applying more alcohol wipes to Sam's left hand as he heard movement in the hall. He turned in his chair to see Ed coming through the doors of the briefing room followed shortly by Greg and Spike. Ed approached the three already at the table and his eyes went immediately to Sam's outstretched hand.

"How'd that happen?" He asked trying to break the silence. Sam looked at Wordy, his eyes not as cold as they had been a few minutes ago.

"I told Sam that if he let me patch him up, I wouldn't ask questions." Wordy gave Ed a meaningful look, trying to tell him to back down. Ed understood the gesture but needed to know that he wouldn't lose anyone else on his team, needing to know that they weren't going to be reckless and stupid when they left that room. As Ed was trying to form a question in his mind, Greg approached him and put a hand on his shoulder trying to get him to calm down.

Spike sat at the end of the table. He was leaning back in his chair, looking at his friends on the other side of the room. Part of him hoped that they'd forget he was in the room but another part of him felt like they were treating him like a child. Spike didn't really care either way at this point though. _Doesn't matter. They can't understand,_ he thought to himself. His thoughts had regressed to exclusively simple sentences, anything else required too much effort. Greg had left the room and was on the phone at the communications desk. Spike didn't remember Ed coming over and sitting next to him, but when he looked up Ed's hand was on his shoulder and he was looking at him with a pained expression. Spike didn't have the energy to say or do anything, he just sat there and let Ed 'comfort him.' He couldn't say that he objected completely, he was just too overwhelmed to feel anything but pain at the moment. The room was silent as Wordy closed the first aid kit and Greg returned.

Greg stood at the end of the table and took stock of his team, now permanently short one. Jules looked drained, they all did, but Jules especially seemed exhausted. Her focus seemed split. She was gently holding Sam's forearm, a comforting gesture for both of them, but she was also staring out past everything and everyone, seeming to be lost in her thoughts. Sam sat up straight, barley moving, barley breathing it seemed. His hands were left on the table where Wordy had wrapped his knuckles and though he didn't move away from Jules's touch, Greg could tell he was uncomfortable with the idea of being comforted. Wordy looked reflective. He sat in a chair away form the group a bit, also looking hard at his hands, through his hands it seemed. He was thinking hard and Greg could tell, but he also looked up every so often and checked on his teammates. Ed was sitting next to Spike, a hand on his shoulder, trying hard to find Spike's downcast eyes. Spike had seemed to shut down. He wasn't crying anymore, he wasn't talking, he gave no response to Ed's gentle words, he sat and he stared, trapped in his mind.

"Okay guys," Greg said gently. The room had already been silent before he started speaking, but now all eyes were on him with the exception of Spike, who stared at the corner of the room. Greg took a breath, trying to keep his emotions in check. "I don't know what to say. I don't know what you guys need me to say, honestly, there's nothing I can say to make this hurt any less." Greg paused as he felt tears begin to well in his eyes. "I'm not going to force you to debrief tonight. I'm here if any of you want to talk..." he paused and looked around the room. "I just got off the phone with Commander Halloran. We're all taking mandatory vacation starting tomorrow for a week. During that week, on Wednesday, we're all having psych evaluations." Greg paused for a minute and softened his tone a bit. "I also want to meet with you guys on Sunday if we can manage, just to check up before we start again...The memorial service will be held on Friday. You'll get more information during the week." Greg let a tear fall from his eyes, but maintained his calm voice. "It doesn't make it better, I know, but Lou...Lou died doing what he loved, he died saving lives. Remember that." Greg finished as he saw Spike break out of his trance and quickly get up and walk out of the room. Greg gave Ed a quick look as he jogged out of the room after Spike and Ed stood to take over.

"Let's all get home and get some rest." Ed said with a soft voice. "I'm driving you two home." Ed said as he looked at Sam and Jules, they were too exhausted to protest, knowing it would honestly be more dangerous for them to try and drive in their current state. "Wordy, I trust you'll be okay?" Ed said, allowing him an out if Wordy didn't think he could stay calm.

"I'll be fine." He said simply. Ed nodded slowly.

"Listen, I know you guys probably just want to go out and get drunk tonight, but sleep first, tomorrow...well today I guess..." Ed said as he looked at his watch, it was nearly one in the morning. "well when you wake up, do something, run or go shopping, something. Greg or me will call you and tell you the time for your psych eval later tonight." Ed paused as he looked at what remained of his team. "Call me if you guys need anything, I mean it. My cell will be on all day and night. I know that's the same story for the Boss, call him or me if you need anything." Ed said, not exactly sure what else to say. The silence was growing awkward and Sam was the one to break it by getting up and walking over to the door of the briefing room.

"That all?" he said coldly as he stood in the doorframe for a moment.

"Yeah," Ed nodded and realized what Sam was waiting for "Jules, you ready to go?" She was jarred from her thoughts as Ed called her name. "Jules," he said gently. She realized what was happening and stood up to join Sam. "Wordy, you sure you're okay to drive, buddy?" Ed asked, not wanting to leave his friend alone.

"I'm good, I'll call you in the morning Ed." He said with a look that left no room for arguing. Ed walked out and Sam and Jules followed him to his car. As Ed pulled out of the parking garage a small pang of guilt crept into his stomach as he realized that he left Greg alone to find and help Spike, but there was nothing for him to do at this moment as he turned the car onto the road and realized that he would need all of his energy to avoid falling asleep at the wheel.

_So that was a little bit more of everyone else, a little bit less of Spike but I needed to wrap up their nights before I can fully turn my focus to Spike. I'm one of those people that always wonders what happens to the other people even if it doesn't matter to the plot (but in this case it was totally necessary). More to come soon, maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow. _


	11. Chapter 11

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 11

_Wow, eleven chapters, I think this is more than I've ever written for a story...I'm more of a poetry person...this is cool. So you know the drill by now, I hope that if you're reading at this point it means that you've dropped me a line and are reviewing, I really like to hear what people have to say and I pretty much respond to all the reviews (if I haven't remind me and review again!) I still, regrettable, do not own Flashpoint, hell, I can't even watch the new episodes in the US! I really want to see them, you hear me CBS!_

Greg was beginning to fear that he'd lost Spike. He'd followed him out of the briefing room pretty quickly and he had a visual on him in the stairwell but now Greg couldn't be sure where Spike had gotten to. Greg stopped running down the stairs for a moment and forced himself to listen. He was standing silently in the stairwell for a good minute and was about to turn around and head back upstairs when he heard a door gently close from the level below him. The fire door had a sign which warned of an alarm, but most of the officers in the building knew that the door was most commonly used for cigarette breaks. Greg opened the door slowly, not wanting to startle Spike, but rushed out when he saw what Spike was doing.

Spike was punching, kicking, yelling at the brick wall of the alley. Nothing rational seemed to be going through his head, pure emotion radiated out of him as he screamed at the wall, bloodying his hands and arms. Greg stood back and waited for Spike to calm down, it took all that he had to keep from running to Spike and holding him back, but Spike needed the moment and Greg knew it. A few minutes passed and Spike slowly calmed down, his punches growing softer, his screaming softening. He put his hands up to his temples as he breathed hard, covering his face. He faced the wall and slowly, half-heartedly, banged his head against it while mumbling to himself. Greg tried to think of what to say when Spike began to bang his head harder against the wall, crying again.

At this point Greg intervened for fear that his friend would seriously hurt himself. "Spike," he said softly as he put placed himself between his friend and the wall. "Spike, buddy? What's going on?" Greg was directly in front of him yet Spike still managed to avoid eye contact. "Come on, let's go inside." He said with an attempt at a smile as he half led, half dragged, Spike back into the building. Spike's hands were dripping blood onto the floor and he had a gash on his forehead from where he had been banging it against the wall. Greg was trying to lead him straight to the locker room but as they got closer he was able to feel some resistance coming from Spike. Neither had the energy to say much but they stopped a few feet away and Greg tried to find Spike's eyes. "Spike, I get it, you don't want to go in there yet, but you're bleeding pretty bad. You've got to wash the blood off and I've got to check you over buddy. If you want we can go into Jules's locker room but you're clothes are all in the guys side. What do you want to do?" He asked Spike, hoping to get some kind of a response.

"Ours," was the only response that he got from Spike as Greg realized how much of his weight he was actually supporting. Since the initial waves of adrenaline had worn off, Spike was fading fast and had to be more exhausted than anyone else. Greg nearly dragged Spike to the locker room and struggled to get him through the door. He was surprised when he saw another figure in the room, sitting on the bench hunched over in front of Lou's locker.

"Boss," Wordy jumped out of his seat, not bothering to wipe the tears from his face.

"Easy Wordy," Greg said, seeing that he was startled, "I'm sorry, but can you give us a hand here?" Greg asked as he struggled to position Spike in a way that wouldn't bang him up even more. Wordy quickly moved forward and stood shocked for a moment at Spike's condition.

"Spike, you okay man?" Wordy asked worriedly. Spike's eyes were closing and his words were slightly slurred as the urge to sleep became overwhelming.

"Spike, buddy, I want to patch you up be1fore you sleep, okay? I need to make sure you don't have a concussion." Greg said fairly loudly. He motioned for Wordy to help get them to the shower. Together they got him to the edge of the shower and started running the water. Wordy helped Spike get his gear off as Greg pulled out a first aid kit. Wordy worked quickly and by the time Greg returned Spike was in his shorts and white tee shirt. Wordy looked up as Greg approached, he was leaning over Spike with his sleeves rolled up, one arm in the shower to check the temperature.

"I checked his mental status, he's really exhausted, but I don't think there's a concussion." Wordy said as he took up one of Spike's raw and bloody arms. He gently took it close to the stream of water but did not put it directly under the beating shower head, he instead cupped his own hands and collected water which he proceeded to drop onto Spike's knuckles, repeating the motion a few times to clear away the extra blood. Spike was barley conscious but he still winced slightly when Wordy took an alcohol wipe and started to clean out the open cuts. "Boss, can you hand me some gauze and tape please?" Wordy asked as he turned around to look at Greg.

"I've got it Wordy, you were in the middle of something, sorry we interrupted." Greg knelt down by his two team mates and put a supportive hand around Wordy's shoulders. Wordy looked at Spike again and and nodded slightly.

"It's okay, I just...I just needed a little time with him before I had to move on." Wordy said as another tear came to his eye. Wordy was sensitive, but he rarely showed emotion outwardly and he almost never cried.

"I know Wordy...I know." Greg said as they made eye contact again. Wordy nodded and he returned his attention to Spike. He gently cleaned the rest of Spike's wounds and wrapped his hands with extra layers of gauze. He applied butterfly bandages to Spike's head and stood up and walked over to the bench where Greg sat. They sat quietly as Spike continued to move in and out of an uncomfortable sleep. Wordy and Greg watched him, both with fathering sorts of gazes.

"Well, what do we do now?" Wordy asked as he kept his eyes on Spike to make sure that he didn't fall over from where he balanced, back against the wall. Greg thought for a minute.

"We live on." Greg said as he nodded firmly. He looked at Wordy, who nodded, but Greg knew that that's not what he meant by the question.

"Well, I'm going to call his parents, they're probably worried sick." Greg said as Wordy nodded his agreement, "and then I guess he'll come sleep at my place."

"Boss, you don't have that kind of room at your place." Wordy said as he looked at his boss. Wordy knew that, though Greg would fight and make sure every single member on the team was taken care of and supported but Wordy also knew far too well that Greg would neglect his own needs and always put the best interest of the team before his.

"It'll work." Greg nodded with a look that Wordy knew too well.

"You want it to work." Wordy said sympathetically as he looked at Greg. "This isn't your fault, you know that." Wordy put a hand on Greg's shoulder trying and failing to comfort him.

"It has to work, he's not going home alone tonight. I'll take the couch, I'll get him up the stairs and into the bed-"

"Boss," Wordy interrupted. "I have a spare room and I'm able to carry him better than you can, I have a bigger car, and I have three little girls..." Greg gave Wordy a confused look, "who, in the morning will be so excited to see their Uncle Spike and build a fort out of pillows that they won't let him feel sad for too long." Greg looked at Wordy critically for a moment. He knew that Wordy had a lot of good points and he also knew that Spike wouldn't do anything reckless in Wordy and Shelly's home...maybe it would be a good thing for him to hang out for the day and be part of their family. Greg nodded.

"Yeah, I think that's a great idea Wordy, you're sure Shelly won't mind?" Greg asked, not wanting to bring Shelly (who would also want to grieve for Lou) into something that she wasn't interested in.

"She'll be more than happy. It'll be good for everyone involved." Wordy assured.

"Okay, but I want you to call me in the morning...well...when you wake up and then when he wakes up." Greg looked at his watch, almost 2 AM now. Wordy nodded. "And keep an eye on him." Greg gestured towards Spike's sleeping form. "I know he won't do anything reckless while he's at your house, but just make sure he's adjusting...well make sure he's doing as well as he can." Greg said, not exactly sure where Spike would be when he woke up to find a new day, short a best friend; that time moved on, even though he wasn't ready for it to tick by.

_Okay, more will be up soon. It's nearly 1 AM and I'm not tired, I'm hungry. I think I'll make the sacrifice, make some EZ-Mac and start a new chapter. Personally, I think this chapter teaches an important life skill: the valuable talent to be able to function with little sleep. _


	12. Chapter 12

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 12

_People are reviewing! They really do like this story! Granted, it's the same ten people, but you guys are awesome, you know who you are. Seeing where this takes me, I'm not sure how much longer it'll go on but there is an end in sight...but is it a happy ending...I guess you'll have to stick around and see (sometimes I'm a little evil, and happy endings are not my strong point). I still don't own anything, still hoping that CBS will stop being stupid and will let me see the rest of the season...I don't think I can hold my breath for either at this point. _

Spike woke in a cold sweat, tangled in blankets and unsure of a lot of things. His first question, and possibly the most pressing was where in the world was he and how did he get there. _This has got to be the worst hangover ever..._ Spike thought as he looked at his hands wrapped in gauze and felt his head throbbing. He put his fingers to his temple and felt bandages. _What the hell did I do last night? _Spike sat up in bed and tried to recall the prior day. The sun was bright outside and his watch confirmed that it was nearly 4 PM. _Okay, well I worked yesterday, bomb calls, and...fuck._ The memories came rushing back to him, flooring him as he became overwhelmed by the emotions. Spike tried to jump from the bed, feeling confined by the unfamiliar blankets, but his legs were still tangled. He ended up falling to the ground, landing on his back and shoulders, his legs still thoroughly knotted in the had vaguely seen the door to the room open and he saw a pair of feet jogging over to him but he couldn't stand look at the face of one of his team mates. Then he began to hear his name, not in a frustrated tone, but almost a panicked one. He didn't understand and looked up to see Wordy, worry written all over his face.

"Spike, you okay buddy?" Wordy asked, waiting to see if Spike gave any reaction. He basically just looked confused, so Wordy continued. "Come on, get up bud," Wordy offered a hand and pulled Spike up onto the bed, untangling him and sitting him up on the edge. Wordy sat down next to him and began talking again. "Sorry if you were confused when you woke up Spike. You were in real bad shape last night and the Boss and I agreed that it was better if you weren't alone." Wordy said as he tried to read Spike's expression. All he could find was pain and confusion.

"How'd this happen?" Spike asked with a sore throat, gesturing towards his hands and head. He'd remembered the scene for the most part, the yelling and crying, and the panic attack. He also remembered the briefing room, and walking out, but things after that were just a discontinuous blur.

"You...well let's just say you really went to town on a brick wall." Wordy said simply, not sure if the anger and emotion Spike felt the night prior would rekindle. Spike nodded.

"I remember now." He wasn't looking at Wordy, he was staring at some point on the wall in front of them. Wordy waited a moment, hoping Spike would say something.

"You...ah...you remember why you did that stuff?" Wordy asked softly. Part of him hoped that Spike had blocked out the memory of his best friend's death, but the more rational part of him knew that it was important for Spike to know what had happened. After a moment he nodded, a tear coming to his eye. Wordy put an arm around his shoulder. "You wanna talk? I mean, if you want to talk to me, great, or Greg wants to know how you're doing, and Ed..." Spike simply shook his head no. "Okay, well you know that if you want to talk just say the word alright?" Wordy asked trying to keep the conversation light. Spike nodded again and a silence followed. Wordy eventually broke it. "You hungry? I mean, you haven't eaten since yesterday morning, assuming you had something for breakfast other than coffee..." Spike hadn't realized how hungry he was. Wordy was overestimating, Spike hadn't eaten since the night before last.

"Yeah, I didn't really eat anything yesterday" Spike said in a slow, monotone voice. His inflection was usually lively, at least full of energy. Wordy was worried, this was not the Spike he knew, but he also knew that this was not the time to push.

"Well Shelly will be glad to hear that, she's going all out. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour. I grabbed some clothes out of you locker last night so if you want to take a shower or change-"

"Yeah, I'll take a quick shower if that's okay." Spike said half-heartedly. He didn't really want to do anything at the moment but he knew that Wordy would not let him lay there. Wordy nodded and grabbed a duffel bag from the corner of the room.

"Here's your stuff, there are some extra towels in the bathroom already, if you need anything else just call." Wordy said as he looked Spike over again. "Oh, and you should probably take the gauze off your hands before you get in but leave the bandage on your head, that one was nasty, don't want it to open up again." Spike nodded as Wordy began walking to the door.

"Wordy..." Spike said softly, not sure if he really wanted to extend the conversation any longer. Wordy stopped and turned, he had a small smile on his face. Spike was able to tell it was just to comfort him, that Wordy was holding onto a lot of pain behind his stoic facade. "Does Shelly know?"

"Yeah Spike, she knows what happened." Wordy said softly.

"And the girls?" Spike asked. Wordy hesitated for a moment.

"We told them this morning...but they don't really understand it, you know? They...they get it in the sense that...that Uncle Lou isn't here anymore, but they don't really understand what that means." Wordy said slowly. He had never wanted to expose his kids to any of the sadness of the world, he knew it was inevitable that they would figure it out, and he knew that his job was one of the main ways they would come to understand the bad things the world could throw at someone but it still felt like they were too young and innocent for this. Spike didn't say anything so Wordy thought that was a sign to continue. "Claire, you know, she's six so she kind of gets it the most, she was pretty upset; then Danielle is only four so she kind of just saw that Shelly and Claire and I were upset and got the idea, Ally doesn't understand but she's only two." Spike nodded again, this time a signal that he didn't have to keep talking.

"Okay." He said as he stood slowly and began going through his bag.

"Alright, call if you need anything." Wordy said as he again turned to the door. "Oh, just so you're not surprised when you hear the doorbell, we invited Greg for dinner, he was really worried about you, he's called like, every three hours and your parents have called every two hours." Wordy smiled again but did not get one returned from Spike. He simply nodded and Wordy took that as a sign to leave. Wordy stood in the doorframe another minute and was considering saying something else when the ringing of the phone interrupted his thoughts. "Like clockwork." Wordy said as he looked at his watch, it had been almost exactly three hours since Greg had last called. "Dinner will be ready in about 20 minutes Spike." He called as he went to find the phone.

Spike walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He looked so different than he had yesterday morning. He almost looked sickly. The scar on his forehead definitely did not help, but he looked pale, and almost as though he had aged. There were lines around his mouth that he didn't think had ever been there before, probably because it was rare that he wasn't smiling. His eyes were the most changed. Dark circles outlined his eyes, he looked exhausted even though he had to have slept for more than twelve hours. His eyes themselves looked different though. They looked dull, lifeless, there was nothing behind them but pain. He heard Wordy walk down the hall, still on the phone it seemed. Spike inched over to the door and pressed his ear to it.

"Yeah Boss, he just went to take a shower...I don't know, he seems a little numb, maybe still in shock...he didn't remember that but when I reminded him he said it came back...yeah as far as I can tell he remembered that part...I know Sarge...yeah, I'll see you in a little bit." Wordy said as he hung up the phone. Spike quickly turned on the water and jumped into the shower. He looked at his knuckles, they were really badly torn up, he would have to rewrap them before dinner. He let the cool water beat down on his chest and arms, he didn't really do much, he just let the water roll down his body. After a few minutes his mind began to reel and he decided it was time to get out of the shower and get ready for his Boss's scrutinizing eyes. He took a few deep breaths in front of the mirror and went through his bag. Two black t-shirts, two pairs of jeans, a belt, two pairs of boxers, a few pairs of socks and his sneakers. Spike laughed for a moment as he remembered that none of the clothes in his locker were folded, Wordy must have done that, or maybe Shelly-

Spike stopped mid-thought. He was frozen leaning over his bag. _How can I laugh? How can I smile again? _Suddenly a rage built up within him. Lou was gone and he was laughing, _how can I laugh while Lou will never breath again? It's not fucking fair! It shouldn't be this way!_ Spike was breathing heavily, not sure what to do. A part of him wanted to cry forever, to lay in bed and never move but a bigger part of him wanted to throw something or punch something. Another panic attack was coming on as he heard a knock at the door.

"Hey Spike, dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes...you have everything you need in the bag?" Wordy asked from the other side of the door. He had his ear pressed against it, trying to hear what was going on. All he heard was Spike's heavy breathing. "You okay in there buddy?" Wordy was a little worried now. Greg had warned him that Spike had had a small panic attack but had calmed pretty quickly. "Spike, you decent? I'm coming in..." Wordy asked a little louder and, with no response he turned the door knob and peeked in. Spike was sitting on the floor in the far corner of the room with just his boxers on, his head was resting in his hands as he tried to control his fast breathing. Wordy walked over to him quickly, nearly tripping over his duffel bag (which looked like it had been thrown away from him.) "Spike, look at me buddy." Wordy knelt down next to Spike and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Shelly had appeared in the doorframe, obviously worried and not sure what to do.

"Kevin, what's going on?" She asked worriedly. Wordy looked at her with a meaningful smile.

"We're fine honey, just a panic attack." Wordy turned his attention back to Spike who had still not looked up at him. "Spike, look at me buddy, I'm right here." Wordy said with a kind voice. He was worried but he knew that he at least needed to portray a sense of calm. Spike looked up and saw Wordy's kind face, a small smile forced onto it. "You're okay Spike, deep breaths." Wordy said as he began taking deep breaths trying to get Spike to copy him. They would take a few deep breaths together and then Spike would go back into his rapid, panicked breathing. Then again, a few deep breaths and it would seem like Spike was calming down, and he'd lapse back into his panic attack. Wordy had soothed him the best he could, softly encouraging him to relax and take deep breaths. Shelly was still standing in the doorframe when the doorbell rang. It took her a minute to register what the noise was but when she figured it out she quickly strode over to the door. Wordy was able to hear the brief conversation as he continued to take deep breaths with Spike.

"Oh Greg, thank god."

"Shelly, what's wrong?" Greg's voice was calm as always but there was a hint of panic. They began walking towards the guest room.

"Kevin's with him, he said that he's having a panic attack." Shelly stayed at the doorframe and Greg continued over to Wordy and Spike's side.

"Heya Spike." Greg bent a little lower to try and latch onto Spike's eyes. "What's up buddy? Just take some deep breaths here," Greg took a few deep breaths with him and again Spike seemed to calm; the cycle continued though as he went back to his fast breathing. "it's okay Spike, let's try again." They sat on the floor for another fifteen minutes until Spike seemed to be calmed down. He had not gone back to his rapid breathing yet but they stayed sitting for another five minutes. Greg was the one to break the silence, "You want to get up Spike?" he asked as he looked to see what kind of reaction he would get. Spike just seemed exhausted again as he leaned against the wall. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving and dinner smells great." Spike opened his eyes as he was reminded of his hunger. He slowly nodded and, with Wordy and Greg's help, got up.

He was overcome by dizziness for a moment but both men supported him and waited for him to get his bearings before they let go of his arms and walked into the dinning room with him. Shelly had taken a chicken out of the oven and other plates of food were already waiting on the table. She gave Spike a gentle hug when he entered the kitchen and told the men to sit as she went into the hall. They heard her call up the stairs for the girls to come for dinner and within a minute they heard light footsteps running down the steps.

"Wash your hands before you sit down." She called over her shoulder as she entered the dinning room. "Spike, they're really excited to see you, they've been asking if you'll sleep over again tonight and make a fort but I told them that you would probably be really tired and might want to go home. It's up to you, you're welcome to stay tonight if you'd like." Shelly finished and Spike gave her a polite nod. It was quiet for a moment as Shelly finished preparing the food and Wordy got sodas from the refrigerator. Spike felt awkward sitting next to Greg knowing that his every expression and word was being analyzed. He was trying to think of a way to break the awkwardness when he head a energized yell from the door.

"Uncle Spike! Uncle Greg!" Claire yelled out as she ran to both men and give them hugs. Danielle and Ally followed as Wordy approached the table.

"Claire, inside voices." He said with a firm voice. Claire nodded and mumbled an apology. The girls sat as Shelly brought over the last of food. Wordy took the bowl of vegetables and started scooping portions out onto his kid's plates, much to their disappointment. Shelly offered Greg and Spike pieces of chicken and they began to eat quietly. The quiet again began to bother Spike but he didn't have the energy or means to do anything about it, he knew that banal conversation would only make him feel like he was lying and serious conversation would just make him angry, it was a double edged sword and it felt like both blades were trying to kill him.

"So Claire, your dad tells me that you love art class." Greg said as he looked at the oldest girl. She smiled and began to talk about her newest picture as Spike felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest, allowing him to breath easier. Danielle jumped in on the conversation and started to tell Greg how she had finger painted with Ally the other day and she pointed to their pictures hanging on the refrigerator. "Those are beautiful paintings girls." Greg said with a kind smile.

"What do you think Uncle Spike?" Claire asked, obviously liking the attention her and her sister's artwork was receiving.

"They're really excellent, I love all the colors." Spike said, not quite able to muster a smile. Spike took another bite of his food.

"Girls, what do you say to Uncle Spike and Uncle Greg?" Wordy asked, giving them a hint by not so subtly looking at the pictures on the refrigerator.

"Oh, thank you." Danielle said, followed by Claire. Spike and Greg thanked them and the dinner returned to silence. Spike hated it. He felt like the silence was constricting but conversation made him anxious for reasons he didn't understand. Greg was trying to talk to him and Wordy glanced at him every so often; they tried to be subtle but Spike was trained (with minor exceptions) the same way that they were and he was able to see the worry in their faces. Spike felt like he was going to lose his mind and was trying to think of a way out of the room when he noticed Claire staring at him.

"Uncle Spike, are you sad?" Claire asked, her eyes filled with innocence. Wordy quickly tensed up.

"Claire, sweetie, eat the rest of your vegetables, you love corn." Wordy smiled at his daughter as he tried to get her forget her line of questioning.

"But Daddy," Claire began saying in a whinny voice. All the adults relaxed as they anticipated protests about the vegetables. "you told me that you and Uncle Greg help people at your job when they're sad, or confused, or mad...why aren't you helping Uncle Spike?" Claire's questions were innocent and completely within reason. Spike was usually more like one of the kids when he visited Wordy's home, and she was thrown off by the fact that he was not talking and joking and telling funny stories about her Dad. Shelly held a finger to her mouth trying to keep Claire from continuing. Wordy looked a little shocked and unsure of what to do. Spike didn't want to look at Greg's face but he was sure that he looked calm and composed, as always. Claire looked from one grown-up to another, confused about what she did wrong. To everyone's surprise, Spike was the one to break the silence.

"They are trying to help me Claire." He looked straight at the little girl sitting across from him. He tried to smile but it came out more as a grimace. "Your Daddy and Uncle Greg both tried very very hard to help me feel better but..." Spike shook his head slightly. "but some people just can't be helped." He said simply. A moment of shocked silence fell over the group.

"That's not true Spike-" Greg began softly. Spike looked at Shelly, trying hard not to catch Wordy's eye.

"Shelly, Wordy, thank you so much for dinner, and the hospitality, everything, but I think it's time for me to leave." He stood and walked straight towards the door as he said, "If you'll excuse me," He didn't turn but he called over his shoulder "see you later girls." Wordy made a move to get up from the table but Greg stopped him.

"No, you've done enough Wordy." Greg said with a serious tone. He looked at Shelly. "Shelly I can't thank you enough for having us, you do so much for our team." He got up and gave her a hug. "Keep up the great work girls." Greg said as he waved to them and headed out the door. He unlocked his car and started the engine. Spike hadn't driven to Wordy's house, his car was still at the SRU headquarters from the previous day. Greg pulled his collar up on his neck. Even though it was late spring the evening air was brisk, Spike wouldn't be walking all the way back to Headquarters, he'd more likely go straight home. Greg considered the routes he could take and pulled out of Wordy's driveway. After a few minutes of slow driving Greg saw a figure walking down the sidewalk. Greg slowed and pulled up to the side of the road where Spike walked.

"Hey buddy," Greg said as he rolled down the window. Spike didn't need to look up to know who it was. "it's pretty chilly out tonight, what do you say I give you a ride?" Greg smiled but Spike still hadn't looked up, he had kept walking down the road, Greg rolling alongside. They continued for a few minutes in this fashion until Greg spoke again. "Spike, come on Spike, just talk to me here, give me something to know you're okay..." Spike stopped in his tracks. Greg wasn't sure if he was going to say something, run away, or break down crying next so he tried to think of possible plans in the case of each.

"Who says I'm okay?" Spike said coldly. "How can I ever be okay again?" Greg saw two very distinct looks on Spike's face. One was a look of hatred; pure disdain for the questioning, for the situation, for his emotions. But behind that hatred there was a look that Greg had seen often. There was something in his eyes, something that screamed 'help me.'

"Spike," He started cautiously. "I know it feels that way right now. I know it feels like nothing can ever be the same, and it can't ever be the same as it was before yesterday, but it'll get better." Spike had resumed walking and it looked like he was growing frustrated by Greg's speech. He stopped abruptly again and turned his body towards the car.

"Look," Spike yelled angrily. "I just want to go home and drink a beer and be alone! I know why you're following me and I promise I won't do anything stupid tonight so goodbye!" Spike said as he turned quickly and walked down the street. Greg stayed where he was. He hoped that, with time, Spike would adjust but he had a feeling deep in his gut that it would take a lot more hurt before Spike would ever be close to the same.

_That was a long one, I didn't want to split it up because it all flowed together pretty well and I'm going to skip some time for the next chapter (not much, maybe just most of the week off.) If you're still reading this, you're awesome, if you're reviewing it, you're even more awesomer (I'm a tad bit tired and I like to make up words when I'm tired). More to come soon. _


	13. Chapter 13

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 13

_Another day (literally, it's exactly midnight as I write this sentence) another chapter. I still don't own Flashpoint. I'm still hoping you guys are reviewing, I mean if you've read this much, I'd really love to know who you are, I respond to all my reviews and I'd love to hear from you. Great, there are drunk people taking to the halls of the dorm and I'm a little afraid...solution: turn up the music and type like the wind!_

Time was supposed to heal wounds, at least that's what he'd been told since he was a kid. That's also the idea he'd seen Greg instill in the subjects they faced. He had bought into the idea and he had preached it, only to be knocked down and beaten by time. Maybe time could heal small wounds, the kind of cuts that a band-aid could fix but with big open, bloody, scars, time only made his wounds fester and rot, necrotize and eat away at ever pure thing in his body. Time was the unavoidable enemy in Spike's eyes.

Spike's phone vibrated again, shaking on the table next to him. He didn't bother to pick it up and see who it was, everyone on the team seemed to be alternating calling him: 'just checking up,' 'we're going for drinks,' 'want to get some lunch,' the invitations and check ins seemed endless. On occasion he would guilty for declining an offer, or his more recent method of just not picking up, he knew that his friends were worried about him but he had no desire to talk to them. All they wanted to do was talk about their feelings and his feelings and reminisce about Lou but Spike wasn't able to do any of those things. The worst was the guilt he felt when a slight sensation of happiness would come to him. It would be something simple, a smile, a laugh, even just the content feeling that he had in the first moments that he woke up, before he remembered that Lou would never wake up again, Lou would never laugh, or smile, or feel. Those were the panic inducing feelings.

Of course, he couldn't say anything about any of these thoughts. He thought that he did okay on the psych evaluation, even if his body language betrayed his words, he knew that he wouldn't be benched because of that; all the members of the team knew what distress looked like and they all could have faked sanity if they desired. No, Greg would be the one to bench him if he didn't pass the unofficial test, and so far he had negative points on that one. Spike knew that he should have been getting out of the house, meeting up with his friends, at least pretending to be moving on with his life but anything that required getting dressed and stepping outside seemed to take too much effort.

His phone vibrated again. _Has it already been an hour._ He thought as he looked at the clock on his phone. He saw that the caller ID said it was Ed. _Well I guess if you're going to pick up for anyone, it might as well be Ed._ He dragged the screen and answered the phone.

"Hey Ed," Spike tried not to sound frustrated as he picked up the phone but the annoyance was showing through in his voice.

"Spike," He said surprised. "How you doing buddy?" He asked quickly. _So it's going to be one of those calls._

"Um...not bad." Spike said. _It's not a lie, I could be a hell of a lot worse off I guess,_ he tried to rationalize.

"Really," Ed didn't sound very convinced. "well that's great man, I'm glad to hear that." There was a pause and Spike didn't know how exactly to fill it. "Sorry you didn't stick around after the service, we all went and got some drinks. You know, I was thinking about calling up Wordy, maybe going to the gym tonight, you want to come along?" Ed asked hopefully. Spike had made a very conscious effort to avoid being around the rest of the team the past week and Ed wanted desperately to get him out of his parent's house.

"I'll pass, thanks though." Spike said in what he hoped was a nonchalant tone. He was trying to think of a good excuse to try and end the call when Ed spoke again.

"Yeah, maybe another time. Listen, the Boss called me, he said he couldn't get through to you. He wanted me to remind you that tomorrow night he wanted to meet with us before we started up again Monday. He said that we could meet at around seven-"

"Yeah, I'll be there, thanks for the call Ed, I've got to go." Spike said as he hung up the phone. He leaned back on the couch and let out a huge sigh, only now realizing that he had been holding his breath while on the phone. _Gotta get yourself together Spike._ He told himself firmly. He thought about the meeting, seeing his team in the briefing room for the first time since that night. He knew what Greg would be telling them, that they'd be running recruitment trials soon and he wanted to check in with everyone. Spike knew that he wouldn't pass Greg's scrutiny and the one thing that he thought he could definitively say he wanted was his spot on the team. He wasn't sure what it would do for him, probably cause more pain, but there was something about his job that just couldn't let go, _well at least until you're forced to let it go,_ he thought grimly to himself.

Spike wasn't really one for medication or alcohol but there were exceptions to every rule. He tried and failed the first few nights to sleep without any aid but he found himself plagued with insomnia. His mind moved miles a minute and it would go in vicious cycles of anger and pain and fear and despair. Even if he got to sleep he would wake in a cold sweat hours later after being woken by nightmares. Neither alcohol nor sleeping pills had worked by themselves, only combined did they have the desired effect of putting him to sleep and keeping him asleep. This artificially induced sleep was his only solace from the waking hours of pain and heartbreak. _And tomorrow it's going to end. Greg will know, he always knows, and then what...? _

_I know this was super short and not really resolving anything but I think the next chapter is going to be really long and possibly, don't hold me to it, maybe the last chapter. I'm not tired so I might start it now which means, tomorrow, more like today (laundry day, nooooo) I'll have some time to finish it off. Tell me what you're thinking. _


	14. Chapter 14

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 14

_So this may very well be the last chapter. I've got my idea of how it's going to end. Ominous isn't it? I hope you guys have reviewed and I hope you're enjoying this, it's kind of dark, I know; I've always imagined Spike having a darker side. I think it's because I'm a lot like him at face value, kind of nerdy, sarcastic, but really sensitive, a lot of the stuff that he's thought in the previous chapters are from when I lost a friend a few years ago. But enough about me, you want to get to the good stuff, the long awaited conclusion. Just one last disclaimer of my non-ownership of Flashpoint, and one more reminder, tell me what you think of it!_

As people started to trickle into the briefing room they sat at their normal spots around the table. So far, it was just he, Ed, and Wordy sitting at their end of the table, Greg at the head, Wordy and Ed on either side of him. Greg heard talking in the hallway and Sam and Jules entered the room. Smiles came to both Ed and Wordy's faces.

"Did you guys carpool or something?" Ed asked with a light tone.

"No, we met in the parking lot thank you very much." Sam said firmly.

"Check the CCTV footage if you don't believe us." Jules added for good measure. Wordy and Ed looked at each other.

"Good idea." Wordy said as Ed rose from his chair.

"Maybe later boys." Greg said as he coaxed them into their chairs again. Sam and Jules took their places on Ed's side of the table. They looked at the two empty chairs in front of them and Ed checked his watch.

"Still five minutes to seven." He said with a half hearted nod. Greg replied with the same nod and, after a few moments of silence, Wordy asked Sam if he saw the hockey game the night before. The chatter continued as Greg half paid attention, half watched the hands on the clock in front of him. It was now almost 7:05. For most members of the team it would be completely normal, even if not well received, to be a few minutes late but Spike was always the punctual one (unless he was working on a prank). Greg was getting ready to call his phone when he heard the door to the stairwell open and close and soft footsteps coming down the hall. Spike turned into the room and gave a slight nod as he went around the table and sat in his spot next to Wordy. He subtly tried to roll his chair as far away form his team mate as possible without bumping into the one next to him, the one that was usually occupied by Lou.

"Glad you guys could all make it." Greg said as he called for their attention. Wordy and Ed had small smiles on their faces as they looked at Greg. It never got easier to lose a team mate and a friend but both Wordy and Ed had experienced it before and Greg knew it. Though they were by no means fine, they were getting closer. Sam was a bit of a wildcard in Greg's eyes. He had lost friends and team mates in war but that was a very different experience than losing someone at home where it was supposed to be safe and land mine free. Sam looked tired; something behind the exhaustion though almost made Sam look haunted. Overall (though Greg made a mental note to watch him closely), he seemed to be adjusting to his new reality. Jules looked fairly drained, Greg was sure that she had cried often during the week in her time alone, but with her team she put on a tough face. She didn't have to, the team knew that she was the toughest one around but her reputation as the only female on an SRU team was important to her, she didn't want to be seen as weak by anyone.

Spike definitely looked the worst around the table and Greg was sure that he also felt the worst. He hadn't allowed anyone in on his emotions and it didn't seem like he'd really left his home much over the past week. Spike was slouched in his chair as far away from the group as anyone could be and he looked in the direction of Greg but not at him. Spike's eyes seemed dead, there was no light, no energy, no hope it seemed. Though the physical wounds were healing, his emotional pain seemed to deepen every passing moment.

"This isn't official or anything, I just really wanted to check in on all of you and get in here before we start again tomorrow. I'm going to be straight with you guys, I've spoken to Commander Halloran, I tried to see if he'd give us a week to get back into the swing of things before we had to run trials but..." Greg shook his head. "SRU teams need seven members to be field active. We're starting tomorrow morning, we've got about 35 potentials but I think that number will sharply decrease after we get through with them." Greg smiled slightly. No one wanted to do recruitment trials under these circumstances. Though they were trying, no one really wanted to move on. Filling Lou's spot on the team made it permanent.

"Anyone have something they want to say or talk about, anything?" Greg asked. He knew that there was tension in the room, it was like a fog, it lulled there in between everyone, suffocating them. Greg looked at Ed and Wordy, hoping they would start something and make it acceptable for the rest to follow. Wordy nodded slightly.

"Yeah," He turned and looked towards Spike. "Claire wanted me to tell you to feel better. She was sorry that she said anything, she just...she didn't really understand. She made you a card." Wordy said as he pulled a glittery piece of paper out of his bag. Spike accepted it and looked at the crayon handwriting. It was hard to read if you didn't see six year old font often, so Wordy leaned closer and translated. "It says, 'Dear Uncle Spike, I'm sorry that you're sad that Uncle Lou is in heaven now. I hope you feel happy again soon so we can build more forts and you can tell me stories about my Daddy. Love, Claire'" Wordy finished and leaned back in his chair. Spike stayed silent for a minute and without looking up from the card, spoke.

"That's really sweet, pass on that I said thank you." The team was shocked by how deadened his voice was. It was horse and monotone, most of them had never heard Spike sound so...unSpikelike. After a pause, Wordy responded.

"Will do buddy." He wasn't hiding the concern in his voice or his expression. There was an awkward moment of silence as everyone tried to figure out how to gently address the elephant in the room.

"Spike," Ed started softly. "I know I speak for everyone hear when I say this: we care about you so much Spike. We hate seeing you hurting like this, please, just talk to us buddy." Ed pleaded, his voice was sincere and his expression concerned. The team sat quietly as they looked at Spike. He wasn't really looking at any of them, his gaze seemed to be fixed to the wall behind them. He slowly got out of his chair and started walking towards the door.

"You guys are really awesome, thanks for everything." Spike said as he turned on his heels and walked down the hallway towards the locker rooms. It took the team a moment to process what had just happened. Ed came out of his shocked stare first.

"That isn't a good sign." He said, breaking Greg's train of thought.

"No, no it isn't." Greg said as he got up and followed Spike down the hall. The rest of the team began to rise but he stopped them. "Give me a few minutes, I don't want to overwhelm him." The team reluctantly sat down and Ed called down the hall.

"You've got 15 minutes, then we're coming in."

"Copy." Greg said as he slowly opened the locker room doors. The room was dark and steam was still heavy in the air. Another team had just finished their shift and there were small drips of water on the floor in front of some lockers. Spike sat on a bench in front of Lou's locker, Greg was struck by how similar things felt to the night a week ago when he had interrupted Wordy in the same spot. Spike was hunched over, his elbows were on his knees and his head was in his hands. Only as Greg got closer did he realize the most pressing aspect of the scene, Spike had his gun in his hand, the barrel resting against his temple.

Greg recoiled for a moment as he felt the breath trapped in his throat. His negotiator side kicked in almost immediately as he readjusted his expression to a calm but concerned look while raising his hands in a non-threatening move. "Hey Spike," Greg said as he stayed standing where he was, about seven feet away. Spike didn't move, didn't show any reaction to Greg's words. "Spike, you want to tell me what's going on?" Greg asked. Spike again gave no signs of moving. "Because, I'm going to be honest with you, I'm really worried about you right now...the way you're holding that gun makes me think that you want to hurt yourself, is that right Spike?" Greg asked softly. Spike took a breath and very quietly, almost in a whisper said

"No." Greg nodded but Spike wasn't finished. "I want to kill myself." For an instant Greg froze at the words. Talking people into releasing hostages, bringing attention to their inherent humanity and rationalizing with hostage takers and criminals was the easy part. Convincing a person to release themselves from their guilt, or sadness, or emotions was far harder. The hostage and the hostage taker were the same person when it came to a suicidal person. But this wasn't any person with a gun to their head, it a friend. Greg composed himself in a split second and took another breath.

"I'm really sorry to hear that Spike," Greg's voice was sincere, heavy with concern. "but I'm glad you haven't done anything." Greg paused, hoping Spike would give him something to work with. "Could you tell me what you're thinking right now Spike?" Greg asked as he moved a step closer to his friend. He was sitting up a bit straighter, the gun still at his temple, but Greg could see that his eyes were teary. Spike starred straight ahead again, thinking for a moment before he spoke.

"The call from a few weeks ago, Simon Esher...I'm thinking about that." Spike said in a cool voice. Greg nodded signaling that he remembered.

"What about that call, Spike?" There was another long pause as Spike thought.

"Well, I couldn't understand it then. I couldn't connect with him because I didn't understand that deep feeling of hopelessness and guilt. I mean, I lived under the assumption that what we told people to talk them down was true, you know?" Spike looked up and saw Greg's face, confusion mixed with concern.

"What did you think was true?" Greg asked, not sure if he was following the thinking.

"That things get better." Spike said simply. They sat in silence for a minute before Greg began speaking.

"I hear you Spike, I know that you feel hopeless right now but I promise you, things will get better." Greg stopped as Spike started shaking his head and smiling. The smile was not reassuring, in fact it was unnerving, it was not Spike's smile.

"You're not supposed to promise things you can't deliver Sarge, that's one of the first rules of negotiating." Spike's arm was tensing as he shook his head even more vehemently.

"I can live up to that promise Spike, just give me the gun and I'll prove it to you." Greg said as panic started slipping into his voice. Spike was escalating and he needed to do something.

"You don't understand!" Spike yelled as he stood up. "None of you understand! It should have been me out there, I'm the bomb expert! He shouldn't have even been there!" Spike's voice was different than he'd ever heard before, it was deep and warped, it didn't sound anything like the person he knew a week before.

"I hear you Spike, I hear you." Greg said as he slowly stood and backed up a step to give Spike a bit of room. _Survivor's guilt, should have seen that one coming._ Greg took a minute to yell at himself as he thought about his plan of action. "You mind just lowering the gun a little bit, just so we can talk?" Greg asked softly. Spike looked angry for a moment but nonetheless pointed the gun towards the ground, though Greg took note that he still had a tight grip on it and the safety was off. "Thank you Spike." Greg put his hands by his sides as they both relaxed a bit. Spike gave a slight nod as the room returned to silence. "You know Spike, what you're feeling right now, that guilt, you're not the only one." Greg paused as he saw Spike focus a bit more on him. "I sent Lou out to diffuse the bomb. I was in charge and it was my choice to leave you at the office building and have Lou come with me." Greg said trying to hold back a tear.

"It's not your fault boss." Spike almost had a childish quality to his voice, it reminded Greg of the way Claire spoke a few nights ago. Greg nodded.

"Thank you Spike, sometimes it's hard to remember that you can't blame yourself for other people's actions. It's not my fault or your fault that someone planted a bomb and surrounded it by land mines. But sometimes you can't see it that way from within yourself, you need someone else to tell you...you know what I mean?" Greg asked, hoping that he was making sense. Spike nodded slowly. His face contorted into a grimace as tears started to pour from his eyes. Spike raised the gun, but not to point it anything, he turned it over in his hands, looking at it carefully. Greg felt that the imminent threat had dissipated but he stayed alert. Spike's thumb moved over the side of the gun and flipped the safety back on. He put it on the bench and slid it a bit in Greg's direction. Greg moved forward and put the gun in his belt while on his way to give Spike a hug. Spike sat on the bench and looked straight ahead again. Greg sat next to him with an arm around his shoulder. Tears still rolled down Spike's face as he spoke again.

"I think I'm broken Sarge..." Spike's tone sounded so much like a child that Greg had to remind himself that he was talking to a grown man. He thought for a moment about the statement. _Did I hear that right, broken?_ Greg looked at Spike again and knew that he had not misheard.

"What do you mean Spike?" Greg was still a bit confused about the meaning of the question.

"I can't function anymore. I can't laugh, I can't be happy because it doesn't feel right, it feels like I'm betraying him, forgetting about him. I can't think about him because then I just get depressed. I can't go out because everything reminds me of him, I can't even sleep. If I'm not medicated I wake up in the middle of the night screaming and if I am medicated I wake up in the morning and think for that split second that everything is okay." Spike finished as he shuttered with repressed sobs. He leaned on his knees and tried to avoid looking at Greg. He was spilling his guts and now he just couldn't stop.

"Look at me Spike." Greg said firmly. Spike shook his head slightly. "Look at me Michelangelo." Spike paused for a minute, the serious tone and the full name had thrown him for a loop and he looked at Greg's sympathetic eyes. "You are not broken." He stressed each syllable. "Do you hear me, you are not broken. You are human and you are grieving." Greg looked into, no, looked through Spike's eyes and saw that Spike was understanding his words. he softened his tone slightly as he continued. "You're going to sleep at my place tonight and tomorrow morning things are going to look better, okay?" Spike paused for a moment and then nodded.

"Yeah," he said with the slightest hint of a smile on his face. "but there's something I've got to do first and..." Spike paused, unsure of how exactly to phrase what he needed. "and I don't want to do it alone." He finished.

_Next chapter is going to be really short I think. Next chapter will also be the last one so beware. You have no idea how nice I'm being to you guys, I starred at the "no...I'm going to kill myself" line for at least ten minutes wondering if I should end the chapter there and let you guys wonder...but no, I'm being nice this story. Tell me what you're thinking. _


	15. Chapter 15

Nothing's Broken-Chapter 15

_This is going to be it for this story. I don't think I've ever written anything this long, I'm more of a write-it-in-one-sitting person who doesn't write one-shots if that makes any sense. Just a random piece of information: while I was writing this I listened almost constantly to "Rain" by Jon Heintz. (Ironically, that was one of the songs that was at the ending of an episode in Season 2 I believe.) I know it's random but the music I listen to really influences the mood of the story I write...wait until a story I put some of my angsty stuff on, you'll know it when you see it. I still don't own anything from the show. Oh, and I'm not in Canada, thus I don't really know the geography, so I may have drastically over/underestimated the time it would take to get where they're going...haha, I'm not going to give it away, you need to read it for yourself! _

They had been driving a few hours in silence now. Greg had insisted on driving when the left Headquarters and Spike was honestly glad that he had the time to think. He was actually, upon Greg's suggestion, writing some of this thoughts in the small notepad that he kept in the glovebox. The ride was smooth and traffic was light at this time of night so Spike was relatively uninterrupted in his frantic writing. The hours went by and the only noise was Greg's cell phone as Ed called to check up on them. Greg had pulled him aside as they left the building and informed him of what happened in the locker room. Ed had wanted to come along and it didn't seem like he would take no for an answer until Greg reminded him that one of them needed to start recruitment trials in the morning. Ed had reluctantly backed down but he had been calling pretty much every hour since they'd left.

It was almost midnight when Spike fell into a restless sleep. He was mumbling to himself and Greg was able to tell he was having a nightmare. Greg pulled over as he considered waking him up and his phone vibrated again.

"Hey Eddie." He whispered into the receiver, still watching Spike carefully. "Yeah, he's been asleep for about 40 minutes, I think he's having a nightmare, I was going to wake him...I don't know, I don't want him to be afraid if I wake him though. Yeah, we're almost there, I don't know if I want him going out there in the middle of the night though, maybe we'll wait until morning..." Spike began yelling out. "Got to go Eddie, I'll call later." Greg hung up the phone and put a gentle hand on Spike's shoulder. "Spike? Spike buddy, you're okay, it's only a nightmare, Spike..." Spike's eyes shot open and he sat up quickly, activating the child lock on his seatbelt. He struggled against the safety feature breathing heavily as sweat rolled down his face. Greg had already unbuckled his own seatbelt and was trying to help Spike out of his. "Spike, relax buddy." Greg repeated as he finally found the clasp and Spike's seatbelt released. He jumped out of the car and walked slowly to the hood of the car. The road was dead silent and dark, the only light was from the headlights that Greg had left on. Greg got out of the car and went to stand next to Spike, who was leaning on the hood.

"Sorry Sarge," He said after a moment of taking deep breaths.

"Don't apologize Spike." He said as he placed a hand on Spike's shoulder. They stood there for a few minutes as Spike took deep breaths of the cool air. It was almost 1 AM by the time they were getting back in the car. Greg looked at Spike. "You hungry? We passed a dinner about five miles back and I need some coffee." Greg had barley noticed how exhausted he was until he sat back down in the driver's seat. His adrenaline had been pumping since he'd encountered Spike in the locker room but it had since tapered off and he was not overly confident in his ability to drive for much longer without some caffeine or sleep.

"Yeah, I can go for something." Spike said. He was hungry and coffee definitely sounded good but he also realized that Greg needed to rest. "I can drive if you want." Spike offered.

"No, I'm fine, a little coffee in my veins and I'll be good as new." Greg smiled at Spike as he turned the car around and got back on the road. It's not that he didn't trust Spike to drive, he knew that the suicidal gestures were in the stress of the moment and that he would never purposely do something with Greg in the car but he didn't want Spike to drive being so emotional. They found the small roadside dinner and went in. They were the only people besides the waitress at the odd hour of the night.

"Can I have a cup of coffee, black, and...the breakfast special please? Eggs over easy." Greg asked the waitress with a smile. She nodded, returning the smile and looking at Spike.

"Um...can I get a coffee, one cream, one sugar and...um..." He flipped through the pages of the menu, "...the pancake stack please."

"Sure sweetie." The waitress replied as she took their ticket to the kitchen and returned with their coffees. They sat quietly for a few minutes looking out the window into the calm darkness of the early morning. Greg took another sip of his coffee.

"How you doing Spike?" Greg asked quietly. They hadn't said a lot since they left the SRU but Spike seemed to be calmer than he had in their other meetings that week. Spike nodded.

"I'm...I'm here if that makes sense. I mean..." Spike struggled to find the words. "I'm more in the moment than I have been in a while but I'm also kind of not in the moment. I just...I keep thinking about what this means and what going back to the SRU means...that is if you still want me..." Spike looked up at Greg.

"Are you kidding, of course I want you, we need you Spike." Greg said confidently. Spike knew he was being sincere and he smiled a bit at the sentiment. The smile brought back the guilt though and Spike's mind began to reel. Greg saw it coming and acted quickly. "Spike, look at me." Greg said firmly as he saw Spike getting lost in his head. Spike's eyes met Greg's for a moment. "This is okay, this is good, you're happy about your merit and your skill and where that has gotten you in your life. You don't need to feel guilty about who you are and what you've made for yourself." Spike kept eye contact with Greg the entire duration of his reasoning. "You hear me Spike?" Greg asked seriously. Spike paused for a moment and then nodded slowly.

"Yeah...I hear you." He cautiously let himself smile. The gesture seemed almost unfamiliar to him as his face twitched slightly.

"That's the Spike I know." Greg said, a smile also on his face. Their food came and they ate quickly, neither realized how hungry they were until they started eating. They had multiple cups of coffee and were getting ready to leave at about 2:30 AM.

"Drive safe." The waitress told them as she collected their bill. They nodded and started walking to the car.

"You sure you don't want me to drive a little?" Spike asked. "You should get some rest." There were bags forming under Greg's eyes but he took a sip of the coffee he got to go.

"Spike, I'm fine. Maybe we can switch off for the way home." Greg offered. He knew that Spike would keep asking and keep feeling guilty if Greg didn't let him help out. Spike nodded and got back into the car, pulling out a map.

"Okay, looks like we should head north by northeast." He pointed a road out to Greg.

"Alright, looks like we'll be another hour or so." Greg said as he started the car. Spike nodded and pulled out the small pad of paper again. Greg saw him flipping through almost half of the book to where he had left off. "Wow," Greg said as he glanced over at the notebook. "that's seriously impressive Spike." Spike smiled slightly.

"Yeah, once I got started it kind of just kept coming out." Spike shrugged.

"That's great. My mind is a lot like your's Spike, things go around and around over and over and thinking becomes the enemy for a while. My mind is one of the reasons I think I turned to alcohol way back when," Greg paused for a minute and glanced at Spike, he was listening intently. "it was a really bad thing, hard to get away from, but writing stuff down really helped me get things straight, keep things manageable." Spike nodded.

"I can see how, it's really helping." Greg let the ride return to silence again to allow Spike to continue writing. It was nearly 3:30 when Greg's phone began vibrating in the cup holder again. "Eddie!" Greg moaned in a jokingly frustrated tone as he turned his signal on to pull over.

"I'll talk to him Sarge." Spike said as he flipped open the phone. "Hey Ed." The volume on the phone was turned up and Greg was able to hear the shock in Ed's voice.

"Spike," He paused realizing that he sounded far too surprised. "How you doing? How's the drive going?"

"It's going pretty quick, not too many people on the road at...almost four in the morning." Spike smiled slightly. There was relief evident in Ed's voice when he spoke.

"I'm glad to hear your voice Spike."

"Well I'm a little surprised to hear yours, have you slept at all tonight, Ed?" Spike asked.

"Nah...didn't really seem worth it. By the time I finished going through the potential recruit files it would have been pretty pointless to go home and come back here to drill them at six. I'll take a nap on the bench press." Ed said jokingly.

"Okay, well you do that Ed." Spike said as finished up the conversation. Greg glanced over at Spike as he returned the phone to the cup holder.

"He never left Headquarters did he?" Greg asked with a smile.

"Nope."

"God, he's turning into me." Greg said with a laugh. Spike smiled as he turned back to his writing.

They drove another hour or so, it was nearly 4:30 AM and Greg was growing tired again. _Fifteen minutes and then I'll say something._ Greg thought to himself. They had to be close, it was a long time since they left the SRU and though they'd gone a bit out of their way before they picked up a map it shouldn't be much longer. Just as Greg was about to put on his signal to pull over again, he saw it. Spike was still absorbed by his writing so Greg gently nudged him. "Spike, look." He said as they pulled into a parking lot.

It was still dark, sunrise wasn't for another hour, but the light of the moon reflected off the waves and created an eery ye calm glow over the beach. Spike had a solemn smile on his face as he opened the door of the car and heard the gentle, repetitive sounds of the waves crashing. He leaned out the car door and untied his sneakers and took off his socks. He grabbed the pad of paper and put a pen behind his ear as he started walking slowly towards the ocean. Greg took off his shoes and followed a few feet behind Spike. The tide was coming in so Spike sat in a spot about thirty feet from the water. Greg, after some consideration, sat even with him but a few feet away. They sat in silence for a while until the night passed over them and they were able to see an orange glow on the horizon.

"You know why I wanted to come here?" Spike asked as he kept his eyes fixed on the sunrise.

"No, but it's beautiful." Greg replied, also looking at the sliver of orange light.

"You know when I went to check the...the land mine, to see if I could re-pin it, how Lou and I talked?" Spike asked. Though Greg couldn't see him completely, his voice sounded heavy, like tears were coming to his eyes.

"Yeah,"

"He...he was telling me about the ocean...how much he loved the ocean." Spike paused for a minute and took some deep breaths. "He said that it was the greatest feeling, just being rocked by the waves...f...feeling like you've..." He paused again and took a few more deep breaths. "feeling like you've come full circle." Spike finished. The sun was about halfway over the horizon as Spike tore the sheets of paper he'd written on out of the notepad. He took off his shirt slowly and stood facing the breaking waves.

He walked slowly, deliberately, into the cold water. It didn't feel cold to him though, it felt right. He waded out as far as he could and then ducked under a breaking wave. He swam out a bit further, still grasping the now wet pieces of paper. After he was past the break he positioned himself laying on his back, floating, gently being rocked by the waves. Tears rolled down the sides of his face as he began talking. "Lou, I'm sorry I didn't listen more when you told me about this." He took a few deep breaths and spit out the water that had flown into his mouth. "I get it now, full circle buddy." He paused and floated for a few minutes, rocking in the waves, careful to avoid floating into the breaking point. "I wrote this...well it didn't start out as a letter...but it ended up being a letter to you." He said as he let go of the papers in his hands. "I'm going to tell you now, I'll not going like your replacement, but I'll try hard not to hate them." He floated there for a long time, he wasn't keeping track but when the sun started to glare in his eyes he figured that it had to be later in the morning. "Listen Lou, Greg's got to be worried sick, the water's cold and I didn't exactly tell him what I was going to be doing out here, so I have to head back now but...but I want you to know that you're right...I'm going to be okay."

He waited another moment and began to swim back to the shore. As he got himself to the shore line Greg ran to his side, a towel in hand. Spike gladly accepted the offer and smiled at Greg. _I'm going to be okay._

_Not the short chapter I thought it would be, but I gave you a happy ending, gosh I must have lost some of my cynicism with age, I never wrote happy endings before. Sorry that my timeline is probably way off for this chapter, like I said in the beginning, I don't know how long it would take to get to a beach from where the show is filmed, so suspend your disbelief on that detail. To you people who have reviewed, I sincerely thank you, I really do appreciate the feedback and I really love hearing your responses. I can't wait to hear what you think about the end, I didn't exactly know where to end it, but this felt right. I've already got plans for a Sam story and a Greg story and I had a Lou story (pre-death, obviously) but I'll see where I head next, I'm thinking Sam. On that note though, I've really been neglecting my homework and Plato is beckoning. Don't really expect anything new until mid-next week when I'm caught up with my classes (unless we have a snow day); but if you review I'll get back to you sooner. Thanks so much for reading this, I hope it lived up to everyones standards and wishes!_


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